[T]

I'm not going to whine anymore

i don't need to get into everything again, like i do in
every entry. i don't want to sound like i'm whining or
anything. it's a real piss off though. it's also different
this time which is odd. i don't even feel like writing
right now because i don't have anything specific to type.

have you ever been out walking and you go to cross the
traintracks and you just stand on them looking out there as
if thinking what it would be like to hit that? that's a
habit of mine.. don't know why i do that now.

i'm starting to feel a little nuts again and i think it's
just from being alone and my brain plays tricks on me.
little voices and discouragements. shadows and crap like
that. what i need is just a fucking GIRLFRIEND. i can't
believe how hard that is. i just can't believe how
incredibly hard it is... oh wait - i'm whining again. shit.
i just don't want to be one of 'those'.

*lights a smoke*

i have so much rage in me. and i don't know why i'm
reasonably calm. i'm so dazed and mellow right now, yet i'm
so angry. does that make any sense? if somebody pissed me
off, i'd probably just say, "yeah whatever", yet raging
inside. it's weird. I'm like a freakin' robot.

*sigh* anyway.. well life sucks. i'll just state it in
those simple 2 words. nothing more clear than that. and if
this entry does not save, i'm going to have a heart attack.

*saves entry and listens to Metallica*

guess that's it from me. damn.

*sigh*

[T]