BlueEyes

OneSubjectObsession
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2003-04-12 21:02:37 (UTC)

She can Fucking go to Hell....

I just typed up this huge entry and then it disappeared so
that's not cool. So I'll just rephrase the entire thing.
I'm her slave. I feel as though I'm good for riding/cheap
labor/doing things she would rather not herself and that's
not cool.
I'm SO taken advantage of and she can go fuck herself if
she ever denies that. And most of the time I don't
mind...but when she shoos me on my way and then asks to me
to help her out more-when I'm eating as I'm leading a
horse down to the barn...and she does DICK all the entire
day and then whines cuz she's so busy. And THEN "do you
wanna ride Rico?" No-you can go ride your own fucking
horse. The fuck you're going to get paid for my riding!
And then she's like "oh Supper would be nice" and she
looks at me and I'm just like "heh" and I ignore her.
Fucking hell the last thing I'm going to do is buy her
supper too!!! God...I'm whipped but at least appreciate
it. Like I don't mind being relied on but she at least
has to appreciate it and I really don't think she has been
lately.
And then she ditches me as soon as someone better comes
along. Like you like talking to C & S so much why don't
you fucking go to Texas with them? Ugh...that makes me so
mad. I really couldn't care less if she takes advantage
of me but at least thank me or something...
And then are we really friends? Or are we mutual benefits-
something I've thought about a couple of times and AM
brought it up again today...I'm always there/a slave and
to me, she's experience/opportunity/introductions to
people...and yes I use her for those things...but is that
what is the base of our friendship? I really don't know
right now...
And yeah, AM said she was all overly gushy about my polos
and stuff and kept bringing them up and being all sucky
but then she ditches me again and she lost all ground she
had recovered last night. And in some ways if I knew she
actually cared, I might not be so worried but for all I
know-I'm just the easiest person until someone better
comes along.
whatever...this is making me depressed and the country
station is on which is not helping...


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