cj

Insights
2003-04-12 11:12:10 (UTC)

I'm NOT ready

I'm sitting here. Its 4:47. I just had a very disturbing
dream, too disturbing not to write down. I was in what I
think was my own home. My whole family was there. Early
in the evening I was going to bed when I realized there
were troops outside my window (US TROOPS) training and
doing boot camp like drills. I thought well, this is a big
inconvenience but I'd hate to seem unpatriotic and
unsupportive by acting annoyed. So I put up with it and
tried to sleep while soldiers yelled and groaned outside my
bedroom window. I fell asleep but was awakened when they
got so close to my window that it startled me. It was
really late and now I was a bit annoyed cuz it was so late
and people were trying to sleep. Evidently I was the only
one awake though. Then I kinda laid there angry and
watching them out my window when I noticed they had no
respect for us as citizens at all. They were yelling
casual things right at my window and kept getting closer.
Then I saw a young soldier peek in my window. I put the
covers over my head. I was kinda scared. There is a
certain way a man acts when he has ill intent. Its a huge
evil vibe and that's what I felt. I was scared. When he
moved his face away from the glass I decided to do
something quick. I had a premonition it would be shortly
before they crossed the line between peering in and
actually coming in. I jumped up. Tricia was sleeping in
my room. I woke her up and told her to go take care of the
kids. The first thing I thought of was. I need to feel
fresh and energized. I need to be ready. I got in the
shower and started washing my hair. My mother was there.
She jumped in the shower with me which was annoying me. I
told her we could get more accomplished if she took her own
shower after me. I only washed my hair and shaved my arm
pits. I just remember thinking....I don't know how long
til I'll be able to shower again. I looked at mom. I
said...what else do we need that we can grab really quick?
water? food? what? It hit me. I'm NOT ready. What do I
do? I felt like I'd wasted my whole life in that moment.
I just decided to suck it up and do my best. I thought...I
NEED to be where my kids are. I NEED to stay with them.
The troops were indeed coming in the house. I was in the
basement and I could hear them stomping upstairs. My
grandparents were rounded up from their sleep and everyone
was sent downstairs to the basement where I was wet haired
and trying to find some clothes to take flight in. Again,
I thought...I need to be where my kids are. I ran upstairs
trying to be semi casual and not arouse anyone to keep me
from seeing my kids. When I entered the den it was not
what I expected. There were these few couples sitting
around like they knew me. The troops were there also.
They weren't really doing anything though except
supervising. I looked over at the couch where a very sweet
but almost drugged acting woman was sitting with Abigail on
her lap. Abigail was happy and smiling. The woman was
cuddling Abigail. I had the strangest sensation. I smiled
at the woman cautiosly....knowing I think that she or her
husband must have clout. I said Hi, Abigail, where's
your mommy? They all kinda acted embarassed but glossed
over my comment. I saw my kids sitting with Tony, who was
also really out of it. I thought PHEW, atleast no woman
was holding my kids. I sat down casually on the carpet to
act like I was fine and don't make any sudden moves. I was
plotting and planning in my head. So I sat and made small
talk. The two drugged women were so sweet. It seemed like
a very familiar trait I've seen in some women. They were
really kind and sweet, even tempered, monotone, peaceful
acting...but sedated...drugged, sluggish, lacking in
personality and character. So the woman holding Abigail
says...."So you have the two children?" I didn't know how
to answer. If she thought I only had two would I have to
worry about all three. Could one slip away? I could just
worry about two? I didn't answer. She said. "Yeah, well,
we just have the two...Abigail and ???" It dawned on me
they were there to take children and they could not have
any of their own. None of these women types could. They
were after our children. I didn't know what to do. I woke
up.