blueswede

better, though not good just yet

So my general psychological state is a hell of a lot better
than it was last time, although right now is not the best of
times.

So I got back from my guitar lesson to find a message from
my roommate. Apparently my manager called looking for me,
since I was supposed to be at some meeting that I knew less
than nothing about. This lack of information occurred due
to the fact that I'm not in the habit of checking my work
e-mail religiously during the week, since most of the stuff
we get doesn't even pertain to my shifts. But at any rate,
it was a group meeting, so nobody was upset with me, since I
had a legitimate reason to not be there, whether I had known
about it or not.

This meeting was about the leadership position I applied for
and got, which is now looking less and less attractive as I
learn more about it. It's looking pretty restrictive, and
even though it's significantly more money than I'm making
now, I'm not really sure whether I'm ready for that sort of
time commitment, especially to a job that doesn't have much
to do with my educational and career goals.

However, there is a chance that I will get a job that does
involve my education, and that is a position as a workshop
leader for first-year computer science. I'm not sure about
the likelihood of getting the job, but if I can, I'd much
rather do that than be a lead clerk at my current job. The
workshop leader position also entails taking a class, which
would put me at 20 credits for the semester, and I wouldn't
be able to be a leader and carry 20 units. I suppose it's
possible, but I'd hate every minute of it.

My dad gave me some sound advice, which I plan to follow, so
I'm at least starting to feel like the situation is at least
resolvable. I'm glad I discussed it with him. It did seem
like the smart thing to do, especially since he helped me
out of the depression I was in earlier.

I guess talking to someone with experience, especially close
family, does help after all. I just wish I'd thought to do
so years ago; I probably could have spared myself a lot of
misery.

Anyway, my dad helped me come to terms with my problems, and
I realized a few things. First, they weren't as big as they
seemed, second, everybody goes through troubles like that,
and third, I'm succeeding where it counts: academics. And
given my success there, I'm probably ahead of the game.

A very strange feeling has come over me recently. I don't
feel quite so tense and upset, and I don't feel so alone in
my troubles. I also don't feel like I'm the only one having
problems, though I may be the only one willing to admit it.
It's almost like I'm...normal.

I wonder how many people end up in a situation like the one
I'm in now: choosing from several pretty sound jobs.

Of course, any one of these choices could be shit disguised
as good employment.

This is Dave, signing off.