estherb

cup of goodbyes
2003-04-12 06:41:28 (UTC)

aufmerksam

lately i've been noticing a lot more of those little things
that have always made me happy. it's not really the spring
things, but rather the simple beauty of it all.

this week has been pretty cool. i had some stress about
getting my insurance to pay for something my parents didn't
want in the first place, and that was really a pain in the
ass. but there was one thing after another that really
just stuck out to me on wednesday. i suppose the first
thing would have been that it snowed (yeah, the same snow
that richmond got about a week and a half before). on my
way to school, i saw this middle-aged woman, very simply
dressed, on her bike on her way to work. she had white
hair poking out of the bottom of her winter hat, and while
waiting for the pedestrian light to turn green, she had her
head up high, eyes closed, with the slightest grin. it was
the most satisfied and pleased look that i have seen in a
long time.

then i had two free periods the other day, and decided to
go gum and hair mousse shopping. on my way to the grocery
store that has the cheapest price for my green orbit gum, i
walked up to the intersection, and noticed that the man
waiting next to me for the pedestrian light to turn green,
had a seeing stick. i figured that the best thing to do
would just be to tell him when it turned green. he seemed
rather independent, and i didn't want to ruin it for him.
so i followed the plan, and told him when it was green.

in the same line, there was an old woman yesterday who
requires the use of a walker with wheels in order to do her
daily errands. on my way into town, i watched as a punk-
looking guy in black leather pants lifted her walker up the
stoop so she could make her way into the bakery. both she
and the blind man seemed quite appreciative.

then also on wednesday, i was on my way to the music
school, and watched as a green van came to a full and
complete stop, in order to allow for a mother duck and her
baby waddle across the street. my natural response was a
huge grin, and a thumbs up to the driver, who got my
signal, and waved back.

the last one is kinda far-stretched... but i was riding
home, and passed this dog, who was aparently out walking
itself. and it kinda reminded me of one of the first dogs
i had. as i rode by, i gave it a good look in the eye, and
it looked me back. in that moment i felt like i had made
some sort of connection with the animal. i don't know why,
but it made just made me smile.

the next couple things are cool, but more planned than just
observation. i've been listening to a lot of music
lately. i do that normally, but especially when i take on
a mix tape project. and jogging has become a new thing
with me. i'm all excited about the alone time, and self-
improvement that comes along with it. anyway... night
jogging is the coolest of all, and the skies have been very
cloudy lately, but that makes those spots of clearness so
much more beautiful.

yesterday i faced the fact that the reason why i never
really wanted to hang out with freddy's friends was because
they don't talk to me, and don't show any interest in
making an effort. i know it's a two-way door, but it's
just more complicated than it really needs to be.
anyway... it ended up being cool because after watching The
Life of David Gale together (which was very cool), freddy
wanted to go hang out with his friends. i had no problem
with him doing that; i just didn't want to go with him, and
he needed a reason. so i finally faced the facts and told
him, and said that i wanted him to go hang out with his
friends and tell them why i don't seem to show any
interest, and that i'd go home and wait for him to call.
so that's what i did. on my way home, i decided that i
really wanted to go for a walk, and kinda wanted to talk
too, so i found anna, and asked her if she wanted to go on
a walk with me, and she said sure, so off we went. anna
(my host sister) and i have never really gotten along that
well, but last night we really had a good talk. we walked
for an hour and a half and somehow never ran out of things
to say to one another, although we've gone through the
entire year without having more than 5-min worth of stuff
to say to one another. it's kinda cool, but also kinda sad
that it didn't happen before hand, but some how i actually
expected it to be like this.

i guess the last thing i can be excited about, is that in a
few hours i will be surrounded by my native tongue again.
i'm so excited to go to london and visit rebecca, my former
cello teacher. there are so many great things to look
forward to about the visit. i simply can't wait.




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