The Mind of Tee La
Ad 2:
2003-04-11 23:16:35 (UTC)

Missing Claire

Today has been horrible. I stayed up 'til three in the
morning playing this game called Tsugunai. I still didn't
beat it, but got pretty far. Anyway, I had to wake up at
eight to make sure our guests were awake and comfortable.
After a while I started playing the game again, but I felt
really sick so I went back to sleep.
It was really strange. I had a dream about my cat,
Claire. My mom and I were sitting in the living room
watching TV when all of a sudden she just appeared in the
middle of the living room, staring straight at me. She ran
to me and leapt up onto my lap and just sat there staring
at me while purring. I reached out and started stroking
her and telling her how much I missed her. I knew she was
dead in my dream, but I didn't freak out. Since her death
I've been waiting for a dream of her. Just to see her one
last time so I could say g'bye on a more personal level.
At one point, my mom glanced over at me. She thought
that I was merely talking at nothing. She asked me who I
was talking to and I told her what I was seeing. She
stated that I might just be so overwhelmed with grief that
she was just an illusion. But I told her that I was
expecting her to come back to me, and that she really was
there on my lap and I was the only one who could see her.
My mom fully understood at that moment. A few minutes went
by and finally Claire got up and leapt back down to the
middle of the living room, turned, and continued to stare
at me. I said g'bye and she suddenly began to disappear.
When she was completely gone, I woke up.
I'm a strong believer that spirits can and will come back
to see you in your dreams, and so does my mom. Though, I
don't know if this had anything to do with that. It was
extremely vivid, to the point where I could even feel the
softness of her fur, and hear her purring. It might have
been a subconscious message to myself that she's in a
better place, and now that I've said g'bye, I should move
I still can't help feeling depressed though. I feel like
it was an unjust way for her to pass on. She was
completely healthy and would have lived longer if that
person hadn't have hit her and driven on, leaving her to
die in a gutter full of water. I'm really confused and I
feel somewhat empty inside. It may seem ridiculous to
carry on about a cat, but she was truly one of the only
things that I truly loved.