this is dead

Heartache every moment
2003-04-11 01:12:56 (UTC)

why?

What I really hate is how you can't control how you feel.
If you like someone, you like them- no changing it.I'm
talking to Dan again- and its good- i like being friends
with him.... but sometimes i like him more. I hate it
because... he's just not my type according to some rumors
about him but when I talk to him- he seems awesome. it's
weird. and annoying.
but worse... Paul... I've become pretty close with him i
think, and I love being friends with him.... but i also
reallllly like him. He always makes me laugh... even when
he's not trying! I had a science presentation, and our
eyes met at the beginning... he smirked at me and looked
like he was laughing... I almost started laughing soooo
hard- it would have ruined the project cause it was
s'posed to be serious! He's just soo awesome... but i
think a lot of girls like him- which...sucks... and i'm so
extremely shy that i can't say anything, and don't now
what to do! I was in an extremely bad mood yesterday- and
since he makes me happy i wanted him to come online... so
2 of my friends were like "call him!" and i'm like i
cant.... i wanted to soo badly... but i'm a chicken- i was
too scared. then today one of his best friends who i'm
friends with now- Matt- was playing truth or dare with me
and asked me who i liked... I just said no one and i kinda
gave up on guys or something... I couldn't tell him!
Especially since i haven't even told one of my Best
friends- Melissa- because she's been friends with paul
since like 2nd grade. I don't know what to do- I just love
being around him cause hes soo nice and funny... he's like
a perfect guy! I wish i could talk to melissa- she's
usually kinda helpful... but i can't now especially cause
she's sick again (walking pneumonia) ((shes always sick :
( )) and i was reading her diary--- shes afraid shell
hafta go to the hospital! I just need some advice really
badly from someone... anyone who knows about these
things...




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