files of the weenie kid
2003-04-10 05:43:18 (UTC)

un elephante

Man, I am a weird one. I think waay too much. I think I
need to quit thinking. Thinking causes me to dwell.....I
need to quit dwelling, the only way I can quit dwelling on
my past is to quit thinking about it so much, I have to let
myself move on. Let go....I've been trying. But it seems
like the more I try, the harder it is. I can't stop
thinking about my dad. I can't stop thinking about my guys
situation. I had the best boyfriend in the world, and I
just let him walk away from me, I didn't even put up a
fight, I was such a jerk about it, I didn't even care when
he left, he must think I'm such a freak. I can't let go of
that, I can't quit wishing that he'd just call me one day.
But how can I expect tha from him? I specifically told him
not to... talk about weirdo. At the same time, I think I
let my heart go... I gave it to him, and I never got it
back. That's why I can't seem to get close to anyone still.
I think I am all better sometimes, and hen al of a sudden,
I'm back in the same rut as before. How long will this
last? Will it go on forever? I hope not.