megan

listen to my silences
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2003-04-10 05:05:50 (UTC)

stressed, obviously

bad day (by fuel):
had a bad day again
said i would not understand
left a note and said i'm sorry i
had a bad day again

spilt her coffee broke her shoelace
smeared the lipstick on her face
slammed the door and said i'm sorry i
had a bad day again

and she swears there's nothing wrong
i hear her playing that same old song
she puts me off and puts me on

and had a bad day again
she said i would not understand
left a note and said i'm sorry i
had a bad day again

and she swears there's nothing wrong
i hear her playing that same old song
she puts me off and puts me on

and had a bad day again
she said i would not understand
left a note and said i'm sorry i
had a bad day--

all right

i listened to that song at least seven times today. i'm
not exaggerating either. twice on the way to work, twice
on the way back, and three times looking for a parking
space here because they closed one of the lots. i had to
park in a commuter lot, which means i have to move my car
by seven thirty tomorrow morning. lovely. the way things
are going though, i'll still be awake. hmm...okay. sounds
like fun. as sara would say "umm...no. but thanks for
playing."

so yeah i have a shitload of homework to do. presentation
and paper for theatre due friday. paper in religion due
friday. paper in religion due monday. paper in poly sci
due monday. paper in world cultures due wednesday. i have
a test in math tomorrow and i have to go see the play for
theatre. blah!

the rel papers are two pages each. the thtr paper is easy,
just fill in the blank pretty much, but it's still two
pages. the poly sci paper is five to seven pages and the
wc paper is seven to ten pages.

now let me tell you how much research i have done. nope,
it's not nothing. i do have some done. but not enough. i
have to go to the library tomorrow for wc and thtr. and i
have to call actors tomorrow for thtr because genious that
i am i decided to do a report on something that required an
assload of work. the only break i may get is from my rel
prof. she told me to take however long i need to get my
two papers done, just as long as it's before easter break.
so that's good.

oh well. i guess all of this stress just gives me
something to look forward to: easter break. after easter i
only have one paper, if any, to do. finals is all i have
to worry about then. and i don't stress about them. i'm
cool with tests, but papers and presentations...i have to
have it all complete and i'm never satisfied.

hello, i'm obsessive compulsive. not diagnosed by a
doctor, but diagnosed by pretty much everyone that knows me.

that was a random thought now wasn't it?

my favorite part from a song by staind called waste:
did daddy not love you?
or did he love you just too much?
did he control you?
did he live through you at your cost?
did he leave no questions for you to answer on your own?

well fuck them
and fuck her
and fuck him
and fuck you
for not having the strength in your heart to pull through

i've had doubts
i have failed
i've fucked up
i've had plans
doesn't mean i should take my life with my own hands

i know, such a good cd to relax me, isn't it? actually,
yes. screaming can be good.

especially when you're not allowed to cry.

hmm...

i need a backrub, seriously. i'm so tense right now. a
kiss on the forehead and someone telling me that i'll be
okay and so will everything else.

i miss you bro.

hmm...

easter break will be nice. i'll get to see everyone and
everything.

and talk.

hmm...

just so you know, nut was not so stressed out after talking
to you. oh, by the way, i did SOMETHING to relax me. it
didn't relax me, but i took a two hour nap after that...so
i guess it did help. *evil grin*

oh! jelly belly jelly beans are one of my most favoritest
candies in the world. they are my favorite out of the ones
that i'm allowed to eat. anyways, so guess what i found at
wal-mart. JELLY BELLY CHAPSTICK!!! and guess what flavor
it is...COTTON CANDY. he hee. not my favorite, but still
good. there was french vanilla and coconut too, but
everyone has some kind of french vanilla chapstick and i'm
not real fond of coconut. i guess i'll have to buy some
for (e) now won't i? lol. okay, you'll have to buy it for
her, cause i has no monies.

excerpt from epiphany by staind:
cause i talk to you like children
though i don't know how i feel
but i know i'll do the right thing
if the right thing is revealed

oh and my hearing sux really bad today. i mean seriously.
i can't hear out of my right ear at all, and i'm not
exaggerating. i woke up from my nap this afternoon to the
ringing of the phone. i answered it and put it up to my
left ear, of course. i hung up and sara walked in the
room. i laid back down, but on my left side so that my
left ear was on the pillow. she started talking to me, and
i couldn't hear anything. i'm serious. nothing.

*sigh*

well for someone who has as much shit to do as me i've
certainly written enough so it's time to go.

final thought: you can tell when i'm stressed if i cuss
when i write.


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