psychomagnet

sleeptodreamher
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2003-04-09 19:26:44 (UTC)

To read in Gainesville when I start to "miss" home.

HOW could i be DOUBTING myself? How could I be thinking I
dont want to leave?? Of COURSE I know in the back of my
mind that no matter how good things are (HAVE BEEN) it will
envitably get terrible again. BUT I STILL WAS DOUBTING??

I would rather DIE than live another day with this FUCKING
BULLSHIT.

First of all, I'm at SCHOOL. I'm doing something
IMPORTANT. and I have like 5 fucking messages of just
insane SCREAMING from her. That she lost some papers she
needs and I must have moved them. WHAT the FUCK! And then
shes like I cant wait til you're gone, I wish I hadnt come
home, blah blah blah... and as soon as I get off the phone
with her, Matt starts. "Dont take it out on me it's not
my fault" and I said not now... and he starts with some
speech about how its not his fault, and I was like fuck
you and then he went nuts. FUCK YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP LET
ME OUT OF THIS FUCKING CAR YOU FUCKING BITCH..

God. IS THIS REALLY MY LIFE?? Are these two really the
people I have lived my life for? These two fucking crazy
abusive selfish fucking nutcases???

God help me. They both fucking make me want to die. God
help me get on my own two feet soon without any ties to
either of them. To ANYONE for that matter. I have to be
strong, get up there and make it work for myself.


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