cj

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2003-04-09 19:09:25 (UTC)

choices

Every time you go I have to close my eyes and make myself
forget all the reasons I want you to stay. I really don't
want to ever be okay with your leaving. If I have to face
it...then I must. The choice is not mine.

You are like a dream...and sometimes I'm afraid I'll wake
up and be standing shaking your hand for the first time all
over again. I have no desire to possess you or contain you
in some sort of sadistic little relationship ritual. It's
what exists between us that I want to own. Its what is
created by the combination of us both. It is the mixture
of yours and mine. I never felt so
inadequate with words and expressions. Hope deferred makes
the heart sick. So maybe I'm just afraid to hope for fear
of the sickness. And fear SUCKS....fear keeps people from
really living. Fear is paralyzing. I refuse to give into
it. This choice is mine.


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