lindsay ann

somewhere in between
2003-04-09 07:17:14 (UTC)

three days ago

three short days ago...but one tragedy ago...i wrote this:

i need to be open to God's plan...especially when it
contradicts my plan. when what i want is not what is good
for me or for anyone else. selfishness is me, selflessness is
God.


wow. couldn't have said it better tonight...because i have a lot to
say tonight...it's hard to see the people who God used to save your
life leave with such short notice. it's hard to lose kristen, who i was
just having an awesome talk with last week. it's hard to lose paul,
who i still want to officiate my wedding someday. it's hard to lose
leadership in a youth group that started booming once they came.
it's hard to know that we'll have so much responsibility this summer
if we want things to be chill. it's all just so generally hard. and
tonight was so emotionally draining, and i keep thinking i have no
tears left...but i do. every person i hugged, i cried on. i cried every
time i looked at paul or kristen...i just cried a lot.

and weird things happened tonight...things that only happen when
people's emotions are all out and stuff...and i had so much stuff
that kept popping in my mind so i kept telling people how much i
love them...it was weird...and having guys cry on you is weird...and
having matt kiss me was weird...and seeing my brother be the
most impressive example of a christian young man...it brought a
whole new round of tears to my eyes. i don't know how i'll deal
with this. it's hard. really hard. we need each other.