Timothy

Jack's Twisted Kingdom
2003-04-08 07:08:21 (UTC)

more rippings

ripped this from negative nancy and her mum

this is so fucking funny! i'm taking a copy and posting it
above my cats bed (the one that i used to sleep in, i know
sleep on the floor) and to work!!
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EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY -

Day number 180
8:00am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
8:30AM - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!
9:40AM - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVOURITE!
10:30AM - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!
11:30AM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
12 NOON - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!
1:00PM - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVOURITE!
4:00PM - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!
5:00PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
5:30PM - OH BOY! MUM! MY FAVOURITE!

Day number 181
8:00am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
8:30AM - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!
9:40AM - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVOURITE!
10:30AM - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!
11:30AM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
12 NOON - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!
1:00PM - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVOURITE!
4:00PM - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!
5:00PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
5:30PM - OH BOY! MUM! MY FAVOURITE!


EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY

Day 752
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling
objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am
forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me
going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get
from occasionally ruining a piece of furniture. Tomorrow I
may eat another houseplant.

Day 761
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their
feet while they were walking almost succeeded; must try this
at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and
repulse these vile oppressors, once again induced myself to
vomit on their favourite chair; must try this on their bed.

Day 765
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, an
attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to
try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and
condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not
working according to plan.

Day 768
I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good
reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time
however, it included a burning foamy chemical called
"shampoo". What sick minds could invent such a liquid? My
only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between
my teeth.

Day 771
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was
placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could
hear the noise and smell the foul odour of the glass tubes
they call "beer". More importantly I overhear that my
confinement was due to MY power of "allergies". Must learn
what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

Day 774
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe
snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than
happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the
other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them
regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to
his current placement in the metal room his safety is
assured. But I can wait; it is only a matter of time...