2003-04-08 02:45:19 (UTC)

I'm gaining my weight back...

It's not that I'm a person who is concerned much about my
weight, but I had completely nothing to do Sunday. It felt
great and horrible at the same time. I planned to pig out.
But who knew that I would eat THAT much. I got so stuffed
that today it felt like I had to force feed myself during
lunch. I knew there was no room for food in my stomach
anymore, even though I didn't eat breakfast. I did feel
kinda hungry though, since I hadn't eaten since last night.
The two feelings together were so confusing. I can't help
it I live to eat. I don't want to. It's just so good.

I've noticed myself taking on smaller portions within the
past few months. I don't do it purposely, it's just that I
think I stopped growing. That's prabobly why it's harder to
pig out as I used to on those lazy Sundays. For example,
instead of eating a whole cauliflower as one meal and being
stuffed, I eat 1/2 of a small one and I'm full. And I mean
full up. Dinner, no longer requires a big plate. It's just
too much. Hardly any potatoes and the other small 1/2 with
some kind of salad. I used to be able to eat so much when I
was so much younger.

I don't mind the smaller servings. I think it will be
useful in college, when I will need to conserve food, since
I won't have any money. I eat no more then 2 large meals a
day. Some tiny snacks in between. And by large meals I mean
the size of a bowl of cerial. Half filled. Or else I'll be
full. That's why I don't eat breakfast. That and I don't
have time. Especially if I decide to do Yoga in the morning.

I didn't mind my appearance back then. But this just looks
and feels so much better. I'm back to my old weight and I
can hardly move. I found myself so much more flexible back
at that time.

I'm gonna try and reduce my meals to 1 a day tops for two
days, and then go back to my new regular eating habits. I'm
hoping to reach a completely flat stomach, and really shape
up my body, just a little more. Then I'd be hanging out at
the beach in a bikini all the time during the summer.