thea

the semi-secret life of thea
2003-04-07 23:29:52 (UTC)

survey thingy continued...

That last thing was a vanessa carlton song. that's how i feel when i
cut. i'm breaking through that surface(being my skin)and discovering
life.

6.How will I feel after hurting myself? guilty, better,
worse, a mix of crazy emotions that don't even make sense.
but even all the bad stuff blended together seems good. oh
so good. HOW will I feel tomorrow morning? the morning
after i cut? or tomorrow morning? Well, after i cut i
obviously feel a little sore/stingy. I feel better, but it
seems so surreal that i ever did it at all, so i have no
idea. As for tomorrow morning, how the hell should i know?

7.Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the
future? there isn't "a stressor". It's life in general,
everything. just everything, you cant get away from all
that. There probably is a better way to deal with it, but it
would cut off the "in the future" part. Death is a better
way to deal with it.*nod*

8.Do I need to hurt myself? In theory: no. In reality: most
definitely. I couldn't make it w/o this release. I couldn't
do it, i don't even know if i can make it now, but if i
didn't have cutting, i wouldn't have life. You can't call
it living when you can't even control your own pain. I need
to be in control of my pain, even if it is only when i'm
cutting.




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