2003-04-07 01:51:33 (UTC)

don't know y i keep this thing

i seriously don't know y i keep this online journal thing
any more. i never remember or have the time to keep up
with this thing. the main reason i started it was so baby
could see what goes through my ead cuz at the beginning of
everything and still a lil now i don't open up and tell
him about what goes through my head and this way he knows
but i don't actually have to say it. lol i'm a weirdo like
that. i wanna apologize to my baby for not mentioning him
in the last entry, it was brought to my attention that
every entry has something about him in it, well i tried
last time not to mention. i probably shouldn't have picked
that day tho. it was his bday. my baby is now older but
even more sexier. i have my doubts sometimes tho. doubts
that maybe he wants someone else and that i'm not good
enough for him, but i have to stop those thoughts because
it's really not good to just assume things. my baby has
also never given me a reason to doubt him so i know i can
trust him. for once i can actually believe myself when i
say that i'm safe with this one. the look in his eyes when
he tells me he won't, no one can look at u like that if
they don't mean it. i think i can truly love this man and
not regret it or be hurt by it later on. and man does it
feel good to be able to say that. baby i know u'll be
reading this at some point and i want to thank you again
for everything u do and everything u still got plan to do.
I may say 'thanks' and 'i love you' a lot but i can never
say it enough. u've done so much for me and i appreciate
it all. and so far all looks good for the cam on
competition day. i really wished u could be there in
person tho, then u could get ur personal show afterwards,
lol, show u all the moves. man my weekend has been crap.
friday was good tho, i had practice for my band then dance
practice. saturday was crap... i had to get up early cuz
the track team i coach had the gmc relays so we were
outside in the freezing rain from 7 in the morning until
4:30 in the afternoon. and i didn't get to talk to my baby
cuz i felt so sick from that. when i got home i ate then
took a HOT,LONG shower then got ready and went to sleep. i
was sleeping b4 8:30 that night. today was alright i had
church which was great and went out afterwards but it
woulda been much better if i wasn't sick. but i am and i
can't breathe right, i have a really bad headache, and my
stomach pain comes and goes as it pleases. well i'm gonna
go lay down for a bit and hopefully hear from my baby
later. song of the entry: "walk with me"- the corrs. until
next time......pinkster