incubus

lotism
2003-04-05 18:28:07 (UTC)

under it all

I hate perfect opportunity; I hate the idea of “taking
your
chances.” Those things never cross my mind when I'm doing
something new. Growing up around such a cruel and hateful
world, I was always afraid to do something like taking
chances, for fear of what others may think. So I sit and I
wait for someone to take chances on me...I can't remember
the last time I had the guts to say "screw it" and do
something I never thought capable. Through life things
have
come to me and what have I done? Nothing, because I'm to
afraid to take responsibility afraid for once in my life I
have the chance to do something I enjoy, but because of a
built up fear it eats at my insides. I think to myself now
at how maybe this is all to good to be true. That if I
pursue this I will only be hurt or hurt others. I hate to
think that I as a human being have such power, the power
to
corrupt myself and as well as someone that I can’t bare to
see miserable. But to the bare bone we see life as a
chance, life is precious and we shouldn’t take a thing for
granted. Be alive for once, ignore those who oppose and
dominate. I’m at the young years of my life and I’m too
scared to come out of this world, this world of fantasy
where everything is perfect in my way. But too long in
that
world will make despise reality. I regret every opening I
miss, later down the road I end up hating myself because
of
one mistake in the past. We all strive to make a decent
life in our society. Were not aware of how many small
insignificant chances pass us by, and its then we realize
and ask us “why’d I let it go?” It saddens me to think of
how many chances I have let by and how my life could have
change if I had put down my uncertainties and live life to
its full extent. Would it make me any more or less of a
person? I don’t like to think of how my life would end up
if I had shut up and dared myself to doing something out
of
the ordinary. Because I can’t get those opportunity’s
back.
And so it goes around back to where we started, waiting
for
it come back around so we can grasp it by the hands and
use
it for all its worth. Because life only has so many
options
its up to yourself and only yourself to live it to its
fullest. I have lost chances in my life that I pray I will
get back, but now it’s all on fate that I can get these
back. Such wasted misery I contemplate and that’s all I’m
capable of, wondering of the life I could have had and the
life I should have.

cheers,
-Alex




Ad: