camicazy

Meshed Up
2003-04-05 14:49:37 (UTC)

dear god, only you know why i m..

dear god,

only you know why i'm sick. only you know why it's taking
me such a long time to get better. and only you know if i
will get better.

and dear god, if i'm really destined to live a short life,
so let it be. i love you.

i am a coward. i'm scared. i'm very afraid. every small
thing worries me. yes. i'm pathetic. but there is nothing
much i can do.

dear god. only a few people know i'm sick. and nobody knows
why i'm not getting any better. it's been more than a
month. i am still suffering. my trivial, bloodless
suffering.

but you know i have already chosen.

me in my nakedness. me in my self-absorption. me in my
foolishness. me in my cowardice. my self-centredness.

my bravery...if there is any, will leave me one day.

i did it again. i forgot that i was talking to you. i'm
sorry. i deserve to be damned for this.

12.45 in the darkest morning. i am already damned. i love
you lord. you know that. but please. help me love you more.

my normal boring life. my falling tears. my shivering body.
my screaming head.

i am crumbling. from pressure. from worries. i am
crumbling. slowly. wasting away. drowning in legalities.
drowning in words. my writing. my prose. my poetry. my ego
visualized.

i love you lord. though i forget. you know i love you. and
i will always love you.

let tomorrow be lived as if tomorrow is the first day of
eternity. my god. you are the greatest being.