lindsay ann

somewhere in between
2003-04-05 06:15:03 (UTC)

that i could

but i can't. words mean nothing if you never say them. i won't ever
tell anyone how i feel again...it's too hard. it hurts them or hurts
you or hurts someone else. that's the blessing and the curse of
this world...everyone loves someone, everyone cares what
someone else thinks, and everyone has their own singular goal.
it's a curse because people have tunnel vision. there's one thing,
one person, one future, and it's the only possibility. you can't turn
so narrow-minded in high school. the possibilities only shrink as
you grow old. someday each of us will wake up and realize that
the tunnel is so small nothing can fit in it...
i need to be open to God's plan...especially when it contradicts my
plan. when what i want is not what is good for me or for anyone
else. selfishness is me, selflessness is God...i can't have both...but
i want what i want. human emotions are remarkable. paul talked
about doing what he did not want to do and not doing what he
wanted to do...but i want what i do not want to want to want and
don't want what i want to want. think about it.