neverthesame

forever changing
2003-04-04 01:25:44 (UTC)

a friend like no other

i was talking to david yesterday he has been trying to get
me to tell him whatis goin on because i have been really
depressed this week. i told him about nate telling me he
likes me and how i feel bad for emma because she thinks
that they might be getting back together and i have never
really thought of him as anyting more than a friend because
one of my friends has always liked him or i was in a
relationship so i really didn't think of it. i also told
him that there is a bunch of stuff goin on with ashley. . .
(she might be pregnant). . . and then i told him that i
haven't been able to sleep at all this week, i have been
having really weird dreams that wake me up all through the
night and then i am unable to fall asleep again then it was
after nine so i had to get offline and when i told him i
had to go he told me he wanted to talk more tomarrow and i
said ok but i don't really want to lay all of my crap on
him, i wrote a poem about him last night and it was the
first somewhat good poem i have been able to write in over
a week. and i actually titled it!

a friend like no other

i don't know why he cares so much about me
i wouldn't care that much about me
i don't
i am stuck in this life primarilyfrom the influence of
others
and a few choices i threw in
i don't find myself interesting
just annoying
i don't see myself as beautiful
just ordinary
i don't imagine that i am special
just messed up
and still he listens
as i bind him in the tangles of my mind
he does not struggle
allowing himself to be overtaken
consumed by the pathetic rambling
searching for the heart
the last shred of me
the only thing that keeps me sane
i don't want to trap him in my world
i want him to be free of me
even though i push away
he pleads with me
he wants to know all the secrets
i have hidden
all the lies i left intact
he tries to figure out how i feel
. . . what i feel
. . . why i feel
i don't know why he cares so much about me
i don't


i let my friend j-me read it and she said it was really depressing
and i didn't really trhink about it but i think that poem is why i
try to hold back from david but the thing is i don't really want to
hold back but at the same time i don't want to "trap him in my world"
as much as i hate to admit needin g anyone i know he is one of the
people who i really would not be the same without.
j-me wrote this thing in my poetry bbok and it is really cool i think
"happiness is a memory slowly fading away
laughter is an echo trapped in another day
a smile is a mask im forced to wear each day
and what i do when i have nothing left to say"


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