My Heart and Soul....
2003-04-03 06:09:56 (UTC)

Another LONG update

Oh boy! So I guess the whole idea I had that this was a way
for people to keep tabs on me...yea, that went right out the
window. Mostly because I'm pretty much staying at Josh's
most of the time, and there is no compy there, so the only
time I can get online is when I'm home at my moms, and I
usually have too much to do, that I don't have time to sit
down and update everyone. (but I guess if anyone was REALLY
worried, they coud e-mail me or something)

Ok...so...I will do another little update with everything
that has been going on.

School-still the same as it was. UNKNOWN. I haven't really
decided what I'm going to do. I definately am NOT going back
to South Seneca ever again. I hate that place, and I don't
really care for too many of the people there. Thanks to all
the people that pretended to be my friend for the last
however-many years. It means a lot that you never really
cared. I don't mean to be rude or sarcastic, but it's kind
of a kick in the teeth to realize that all those people that
I hung out with, who were supposedly my friends, they never
really gave a damn one way or the other. But, like I told
someone already, I've met a lot of great people, and they
don't care about that high school shit. They like me, they
hang out with me, and they are fun people. I don't have to
beg a bunch of small town, close minded, judgemental people
to be my friends. No thanks. ya'll can have each other and
your little soap opera lives. I'm more thankful than I can
put into words to be away from all that drama.

Friends-I love you guys. The ones that love me, and miss me,
and worry about me. The ones that are there for me, even
though I'm not around a lot. You guys are great. I couldn't
have done anything without you.

Work-I've got a few places I might be going. Most likely
waitressing on weekends up in Ithaca at Applebees. Yea, it's
not a dream job, but it's a mile from the apartment, and it
pays well enough to support a single female. So, I'm
probably just going to work Thursday, Friday and Saturday
nights up there. That way, hopefully Josh and I will have
somewhat similar scheduals, and will be able to spend more
time together. Plus, I've have some extra cash, so I can get
my car back on the road, and have some extra spending money
for a little vacay this summer down in FL with my boy.

My depression has gotten MUCH better. No big surprise there.
It's been WONDERFUL weather (except this little snowstorm
last weekend...but hey, I can deal.) I love being able to
wake up to sun and green grass. Makes me very happy. Plus,
I'm finally starting to feel like I'm living my own life. I
had talks with my family. They are all worried, and a little
dissappointed, but we've all come to realize that no matter
how mad we get at each other, we need one another. I thank
all the people in my family that have just sat back and let
me make the choices that I had to make. I know it's not what
you expected, but hey...ya love me still. And THAT means
everything to me.

We are all moved into the new house in Willard. Still in the
process of unpacking and stuff, but basically settling in
nicely. I love this place, and it's much quiter than Ovid.
(well, I'm not here all that much, but when I am here, it's

Josh and I.......we've been together two months now. In a
way it seems like it's been much longer, because we are so
together on everything. We get along great, and I am happy
than ever to have in my life. We have our rocky moments,
mostly when I am in one od my moods, but we get through
them. In a way, we both can't believe that it's been two
whole months. The time has just FLOWN by. Even living
together most of the time. We just enjoy each others company
so much, that it just seems normal for us. I love every
minute I spend with him, and although we haven't made
definate plans yet, our future looks like it's going to be
spent together, and the thought of that makes me want to
walk on air. It's hard to explain how my emotions toward him
turned into this, especially considering that a month ago I
was almost sure it wasn't going to work. But i think that
was probably mostly just jitters from the thought that I had
been with someone in a committed relationship for a whole
month! (this may not seem like a long term thing for most
peopel, but for me, a month is LONG LONG term.)
BUT......not as long term as a lifetime, and we've talked
about spending that together. It's not every day you find
someone thats like you in so many ways, and in the ways we
are different, we love each other more, just because. His
family is like my second family. I feel so comfortable
around them, and I can't wait until I can hang out with
them. I miss his parents more than he does sometimes. ;-)
All in all, we have a great time together, and if things
stay this way, which I'm sure they will, we will have a
LONG, happy relationship together. (even though he spits in
the shower, and drinks soda in bed. But then, My hair gets
in the drain, and I cry about everything, so I guess no one
is perfect.) So to everyone who wasn't sure if he was the
real thing. He is. And to everyone who wasn't sure if we
would last. We will. And to everyone who wasn't sure about
my feelings toward him. I love him. I may be falling IN LOVE
with him. Pretty heavy words from someone who had sworn off
men and relationships. He is just proof that not all men are
total jerks. In fact, I think he'd like to have words with a
couple of my ex's. Just because he's THAT cool. I can't say
enough about him. I love him to death. He's been a blessing
to me in these last couple of months. And I couldn't have
done it without him. Thank you Josh for all those late night
talks, for never giving up on me, and for loving me despite
my faults. You are an amazing, WONDERFUL man, and I love you

Just had to get that out. :-P

Sara beth-I think you need a little note to you. I don't
know how much you get to read this, but I figure, if you do
sometime, you'll want to know that I love you. I'm sorry
that you had to do what you did, but I understand that it
was for the best, and I want you to know that I am always
here for you. You are my girl. I love you like a sister,
even if you are "crazy" sara. Thanks for being there for me,
and coming to rescue me at the apartment when all the
housework is done, and I am bored. Gotta love double date
nights. You're awesome.

Amber- i miss you hun! we never seem to be online at the
same time. i just want you to know that I am thinking of you
always. You've been my best friend since first grade,
nothing will ever change that. I miss you SO much, and I
can't wait until you come up and we can get drunk and lie on
my trampoline. Who knows, maybe sara, stacey and I will have
to take the fun police to lansing sometime, just for old
times sake. I love ya hun!

Gabs- I know you get mad at me sometimes. But you're my
bestest friend in the whole world. I hope you know that. I
know we have our share of differences, but reading that
notebook made me realize how much our relationship has grown
in the last two years. I owe a lot to you, and your support.
Please don't ever leave my side, I don't know what I'd do
without you. "I'll lean on you, and you'll lean on me, and
we'll be ok." that says it all.

Court-When you told me that weekend to stop crying over
david and focus on what was really important in my
life...that meant a lot to me, and it really made me think.
I know we aren't too close, and I know we don't talk to
much, but you'll always be my sissy-pooh, and I love you
terribly SEEEEEEEESTAR!!!!!!!!!!!Thank you for putting up
with me. (not that you have a choice, but just the same, you
had your fair share of chances to kill me during our
childhood, and I thank you for resisting those "urges". MUAH!

Momsy-I love you and I appreciate you. You know that. I
don't know what I'd do without you. Thank you for being
there for me no matter what.

Dad- I miss you. I love you.

Everyone else- I love you all, and I miss you terribly.
Please don't hesitate to get a hold of me. I can give you
the number up at Joshs and you can come see me up there. Or
if I'm online, and home, feel free to stop by and see me,
catch me up on your lives.

Alright, thats long enough for one night. an hour is a
little long to sit and write in a journal, that I'm not even
sure people read. Just the same, it makes me feel better.
Leave a note if you want to. I love ya!!!

All My Love, ALWAYS,