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2003-04-02 23:30:21 (UTC)

if we run far away will we ever die...

still feeling shitty... i got myself in a situation last
night... i was just bringing up the fact i couldn't cope
with someone else's problems right now becasue i have
something else going on. of course they thought they'd try
to help. after convincing and actually making me feel like
a jerk i gave in a tried to explain. i didn't go too well,
they didn't understand, then i realized i dont understand
anything about myself. being unsure of something is one of
the worst feelings in the world. i dont like not having
any idea what i am doing. not just like after high school
i mean like in high school. why the fuck am i bothering at
all. i mean i've realized my power of myself, if i dont
want to graduate high school i can drop out once i'm 18
(begin of senior year...still have 1 1/2 years to go) i'm
at the point where i dont actually apply myself at school,
i just get by basically, but i definately could not try
more. i could start whenever i feel i want to, it sounds
like a foolish idea but i dont know. the strange thing
abou this whole thing is the person who made me realize
this. as much as i've said he's ruinned so much, me and
him are back to being very good friends. i confide in him,
while i help him with other areas. the person, if you
didn't guess, is brandon. i feel strange telling him some
things again, but i do anyway, i know he has very good
advice and would not let me do anything bad. now there is
alot more i can write on this confused stated i'm in, but
i feel i've adequately filled this entry with enough
useful information that you can know about me. plus i want
to be able to write in it everyday on these sucky days. oh
by the way, i still love lauren michelle shulman!