Confused

My Mystery
2003-04-02 23:02:01 (UTC)

I NEED IMPUT!!!!!!!

well i havent written in here for a while....so whats
new????? oh yeah....im in job corp........ yea ive been in
here for two months now... its pretty cool i guess but
damn....i wake up every morning at 5:45.......i live in a
dorm with 57 guys and my girlfriend lives 200 miles away.
its really depressing. i have never missed someone so bad
in all my life.... i have a new girl now and for once i
think its real.... i have fallen in love with here... weve
been together for almost three months now. she is truly
perfect in every way. shes a little punk.... shes drop dead
sexy.... shes honest.... and shes a good girl. shes a good
student she dont really do drugs and she was a virgin until
two months ago... sometimes i get really afraid that she
wont wait for me....i'll be in here for like a year and a
half.... thats a long time ya know... and i only get to
come home twice a month. but then i think about it and i
try and convince myself that everything will be okay..... i
mean come on, the girl gave me her virginity for fucks
sake... that makes me think that maybe she'll wait ya
know.... and i believe that she is really in love with
me... when i look into her eyes i really see it... only one
problem.....................................................
............................. she not 16 till may 21st.....
-k- im 18 on july 2nd...... so im almost two years older
than her...... that seems bad to me..... im still in love
with her and her age isnt going to change that but i feel
dirty because of it....... and im really afraid that what
she feels isnt real....that its just infatuation with a
cute boy....... i dont know...... i think that she will
stay with me though because she thinks she should be and
that makes me feel bad cause i feel im taking alot of
things from her asking her to wait for me for a year.....
there is a lot of oppertunities and expiriences that she
could have but i feel that im holding her from those....
but at the same time i have to be selfish because i refuse
to lose the best thing that has ever happened to me.....
but i dont know what to do...... should i break it off with
her knowing that it will kill her now but in the long run
it might be better....or...... stay with her and feel
guilty and give her the life that we both want when im out
of job corp..... what the fuck do i do......godamn my
emotional ways..... im in love with a girl who hasnt grown
up enough to be in love....... god i hope im wrong....shes
really mature for her age or i wouldnt be with her but
sometimes i see that shes only 9 months older than my
little brother.....that really bugs me so much.......i went
home last weekend and relized that....... but she dont look
young....she doesnt act imature.......and i think she
pretty much metaly mature but emotionally she still
growwing up....and thats the big thing...... love is
emotional.....long distance relationships are
emotional....... is she emotionally stable enough to handle
this?....... what the fuck do i do...... im in education
all week so ill write alot more..... i need imput.....thats
why i write this shit....along with that its nice to see my
thoughts in black and white...... i look forward to your
help...........................matt




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