BeautyFiend

The void
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2003-04-02 12:36:33 (UTC)

What the fuck is wrong with me?

well, last night i had a fantastic time at James's gig.he
was fucking brilliant on those drums and that guitar.the
guy has talent.sometimes it hurts to think that he never
wanted me.
i have all these mixed up emotions in me today.on the one
hand i feel ok, maybe even a bit happy and then sometimes i
feel awful and i just want to cry and scream, but i don't
know what about.recently iv'e found myself thinking about
James. Skyes worried about him.so am i. For the life of me
i cannot figure out how that guy stays so happy all the
time.he has had problems, some of which are still there and
he's always the 'funny guy'so no one ever bothers to think
about how he's really feeling.he used to talk to me about
it,but then we drifted apart after we had that..well i
suppose you could call it a fling.and we have not been that
close since then.i really miss him sometimes, the endless
deep conversations we used to have about life and problems
and relationships.he was one of my best friends, but it
seems that now he just doesn't want to know. and that hurts.
i got back with Maz.Skye called me a fool when i told her.
made me feel a bit idiotic to say the least. well it's not
like skye knows anything about the situation with maz. all
she knows is that i got dumped for an ex and i lost four
friends all in one night.and let's face it...that sounds
bad right?well i guess it is to a certain extent, i mean,
she dumped me because she was STILL IN LOVE WITH HER EX how
is that meant to make me feel?! but forgive and forget
springs to mind and at times, we have to move on and
concentrate on the good. and anyway, i really like her and
i hope it lasts.
mother and father had a 'disagreement' last night over why
the cooker wouldn't cook the pie.i found it quite amusing
to be quite honest but they were both getting increasingly
annoyed.poor cooker it's old before it's time :)
i did my english mock exam, it was so fucking difficult and
i finished before the allowed time, so i sat there watching
the pigdeons outside on the ledge while everyone else was
still writing...like i should have been :/
Joe was kinda pissing me off today. Actually he's been
pissing me off for a long time. making skye miserable while
he's wallowing in self fucking pity and attention
seeking."ooohh woe is meeee your too good for meee!::sniff
sniff::" fuck off you twat.why can't he just be like every
other boyfriend? HAPPY.
I made a Deal with Andy.i help him paint his room and in
return he teaches me bass guitar in proper sessions!my
parents have agreed to at least THINK about getting me a
bass guitar and an amp for my birthday. iv'e given up
Reading festival for this bass (everyone thinks i'm mental
but they don't know just how long iv'e wanted a bass)
hahaha Legs(moonie Aka molly=my cat) just raked a flea out
on my mums bed and mums just yelled at her and chucked her
down the stairs!awww poor moonienoonie.well i best be off
now. i have the Doctors soon.i think they are putting me on
the pill now, because i have no sign on polysistic
disease.:)
c ya.


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