smileyj4ever

Daily troublez
2003-04-02 01:16:16 (UTC)

Last Night

I was wantin to write last night but i couldnt cuz da
computer messed up so i couldnt. i didnt really sleep dat
much i was up till 3 den i slept for like 15 minutes den
woke up den an hour later fell back asleep until 6. it
happened like dt all night till 9 when i finally just got
up i cried myself to sleep at 3 so dats y i fell asleep dat
time. i was waitin for my friend to call but he never did
so i just gave up on dat. i just got thinkin bout errytin
and i got sad i just got to thinkin bout my life. i
realized for the first time dat i was my moms regret i mean
when she found out i she was pregnant wit meeh she left her
whole family and moved to houston and then a while after
she had meeh she finally went back. i realized i ruined her
life bad she would have been wayyyy happier without meeh ,
cuz of meeh she went back my my dad and he is a big azz to
erryone specially meeh so yeah u can tell he wasnt too
happy bout meeh either. den my bro hes always such an azz
to meeh too i try to get along wit him as much as i can but
theres only sooo much u can do to make a person laugh. my
sisters never made it seem like they never wantred meeh
around well not my oldest shes always been my best friend
shes always been there for meeh but my medium sis was
always mean to meeh when i was younger her and my bor would
gang up on meeh and kick my azz literaly but i never told
on dem cuz i know id get it 10 times worse. but my oldest
sis was always there to help meeh and kick their azzes.i
got to thinkin im always "so happy" i mean it makes meeh
happy to make my friends happy and erryone around meeh. im
like a pro at it now but i can never seem to make myself be
happy. but ive gotten used to it id rather be in my room by
myself dan bein out sumwhere unless its wit my closest
friends cuz they make meeh happy. i was thinkin bout how
sad i really am i mean i dont know like wit my bf we are on
a break right now but whenever we fight i hate it so i
rather just be bymyself and not talk to anyone den da mood
passes and i wanna talk to him again he doesnt really get
it but i do i just rather not be sad or mad and forget it
happened but ohh wells.also i was thinkin bout how bad i
honestly hate livin i mean errynite even if da day was a
happy one there has to be a lil itty bitty thing dat was
bad dat happened and when i am layin on my bed and ive
already finished prayin for erryone i also pray dat itll be
my last night lying in my bed dat i wont ever wake up again
i know its a bad thing to pray for but erryday i pray for
sumtin to happen to meeh. most of time i pray to have sum
kin of disease dat i only have a couple of days to live so
i can be able to say goodbie to erryone. erry mornin i wake
up i dread da day dat awaits meeh cuz i know im still here
alive and kickin' and i hate it cuz i dont wanna be here i
hate livin here i hate disapointin erryone i come across i
hate wastin my families time dat regrets havin meeh here i
hate wastin daniels time cuz i can never make up my mind
and makin him worry i hate it but hey hopefully one of
these day ill get my wish and never wake up or better get
only enough days to say goodbie to erryone but if i dont
hopefully yall read dis . (I LUV YALL im sorry for ruinin
yalls lifes and makin yall go thru hell but atleastim gone
now and cant hurt yall in anyway biez peace) maybe ill
write more laterz peace biez erryone for tonite atleast




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