Zen Kitten

Sweet Nothings
2003-04-01 00:39:14 (UTC)

5:33 pm

DATE: March 31, 2003
TIME: 5:34 PM
MOOD: Shitty/Sad

I'm sick of living my life the way I have been living it
for the past couple weeks. So right now I am going to set
aside thinking about all you people thinking how lame I am
and type what I am feeling and thinking once again.
At school, girls continuously comment on how I look. And
in your perspective it's probably not even a bad thing.
They'll say, "Adrienne, you are so skinny!" or "I wish I
was thin like you!" and other things. The thing is, that
they don't know the other side of the story. Sure, maybe I
have a decent figure and am not at all fat. But do any of
them know that because of my size I go home and stress over
stuff that actually shouldn't even be happening to my
body ? Do they know that for the past year I have been on
and off a couple different pills just to try to get my
weight up so my body can get back on schedule and regulate
once again?
Towards the end of 2002 something happened that made the
next three months of my life hell. For anyone out there who
knows the kinds of problems girls have, well mine was
almost totally continuous for three months. Yeah. I was put
on something that helped perfectly - I gained some needed
weight and got back to normal. And everything was perfect
again...until three months later.
Yet again, something in me and my mood changed and
everything that had been fixed so nicely was screwed up
again. And here I am on something else unknown to me trying
not to come home everyday and cry over whatever is on my
mind.
This is what I am sick of: coming home everyday and crying
until my head hurts over my irritating moods, being at
school and not having the energy to deal with everyday
people doing everyday things, not wanting to eat, being
dizzy or weak easily...
I want to get it fixed, but the thing that I believe could
actually help again is out of my reach unless something
different happens. I guess I am hoping that something
different will happen really soon. This doesn't help the
fact that I am such an impatient person either.
Hopefully I can get out of this hole that part of me has
dug and put the rest of my life together again...
...hopefully...




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