Starting Over
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2003-03-31 16:31:53 (UTC)

my life

ok, so it is 1115 in the morning on march 31st, 2003 and I
think my life is going ok? I still have some drama to
squash and I need to decide whether or not to stay at the
CB or just to close that chapter in my life and move on.
Rite now I am definitely thinking about closing that
chapter, I think it is way past due, know what I mean? That
represented a time in my life I never wanted to repeat. And
I feel if I stay there, I am bein held back and I will be
suggestable to to making the same mistakes twice. I really
think its time to put Milford and the CB behind me now,
along with Lisa and my dad.
I cant believe that its coming up on two months since I've
seen or heard from John. I still miss him very much. I wish
that I had left with him that night instead of the walking
disaster because I believe him and I would still be
together and that SHE would not have gotten pregnant. And
he probably would have left her and I would be happy right
now and life would be good, and I might be on my way to
getting engaged or something! I wish life had gone SO
differently for me. I hate it sometimes.
I want SO badly to just go back and rewind everything and
start all over. I really do. I would keep 1-5, more than
likely, butI def wouldnt have slept with Rob, keep Paul, X
out the asshole, and the loser after that, kept john, and
stopped there, might I add, cancel out the BO boy, and the
living every guys dream loser, and I dont regret danny, I
really enjoyed that one, altho if I was with Jon, he would
have never happened, so, c'est la vie?
why cant I have a happy story to tell??! and what has matt
been telling dana because if looks could kill I would have
been dead on saturday. I was so uncomfortable I couldnt run
fast enuff to get out of that place. I dont care she can
hate me all she wants, it happened 8!! months ago there is
NOTHING I can do about it now and plus I dont even want to
hear it because I wouldnt put it past her to go after paul
or danny if she wasnt with gabe and I wouldnt put it past
her to go after paul anyways, but whatever. I am so
completely over it and she should get over it too along
with everyone else. !! I'm tired of apologizing and living
in regret. I refuse to do it anymore. SOrry!