psychomagnet

sleeptodreamher
2003-03-31 05:42:22 (UTC)

the answer came like a shot in the back

while you were running from your lesson....
...I'm a good kisser and you're a fast learner
and that kind of thing could float us for a pretty long
time, then one day you'll realize you've memorized my
phone number and you call it and find its a disconnected
line..
LETS TOAST TO THE LISTS THAT WE HOLD IN OUR FISTS OF THE
THINGS THAT WE PROMISED TO DO DIFFERENTLY NEXT TIME

she played it last night.. and i cried.. but it was so
amazing.. the whole day yesterday was amazing.. we talked
to Amy Steinberg and got a picture with her and we were so
close to Ani and it was so calm and fun and just
wonderful..

today wasnt so great.. in fact it was so terrible, despite
all our attempts to lighten up and ease the tension and
laugh it off... it was still so terrible that i am
reconsidering this whole moving thing. im having a couple
worries about the fact that alli has unlimited funds from
her parents and well i just dont... and money is a bad
thing with people.. i mean to me the fact that a girl with
access to anything money can buy, would ask me and her
other friend for our LAST dollar, when we havent eaten all
day and we're hungry... it worries me.. its just that
people from different situations have very different
concepts of money and when there is money involved with any
two people it can get nasty.. plus im sorry but damn if she
was not having mood swings quicker than you could say boo..
it just wasnt a good day and im a little concerned with all
the hundreds of things that change when you LIVE with a
person.. also its not the only unspoken reason... but the
other should stay unspoken for the most part...

man i was just reading my entry last time.. and AGH!! YES.
and i know that inside i know that i probably cant make her
happy. but damn it. she deserves to be happy. and shes
not. and i just really wish she was.

and on the same note, i also really wish that i was.

but im starting to think that might be a lost cause.