BlueEyes

OneSubjectObsession
2003-03-31 03:33:35 (UTC)

Good news I'm depressed...

Yeah-I think I'm depressed...and I went online to a couple
of depression screening sites and so far they've all came
back saying I have significant signs of depression...so I
think Monday I'll go to SUB and make an appointment with
the student councelling centre-it's free for up to 12
sessions AND maybe I can figure out what to do with
myself...I'm so ready just to email her and tell her right
now...I don't care and I'm not eating and I'm going to bed
at like 9 30...and even the barn isn't doing it for
me...I'm just so "empty" and turned off of everything.
Lisa is the only one that can ellicite any type of emotion
from me and that's only anger, frustration, annoyance...I
don't know what I want to do and my parents and I are
trying to work on that but what they want and what I want
is different...and I don't even feel like I belong at the
barn anymore...like I'm not a boarder, I'm not a lesson
studen, I'm not a trainer/instructor/professional...so no
matter where I am... I'm no where. Like the lesson
students talk, the boarders talk...C & S & SHE and the
instructors talk...and they all talk to me (as does
everyone) but when someone else comes along that's at
their level-I'm left out. And I dunno...I guess I'm tired
of being talked to when no one else is there only. Like
sure, they don't mind me or whatever but at the same
time...I guess it's empty...and I just don't care
anymore...I feel like doing nothing...so wish me luck
tomorrow!!