All by Myself..

Somethings are better left unsaid...
2003-03-30 22:34:46 (UTC)

If I ever lose my mind, I hope an honest person finds it and turns it in to the lost and found.

this journal sucks...it deleted this entry I just
made...it was a good entry too -.-

So anyway, what I said was,This weekend sucked.
Plain and simple.
It rained out our little camping party at Aliceia's.
My mom is p.o.ed with Aliceia's mom because she wouldn't
let us in her house AT ALL.
She basically wanted nothing to do with us even when we
were still under her responsibility.
Damn bitch.
Anyways.
THEN Saturday, Ryan screwed up his car so we ended up at
Dustin's moms house and stayed there.
Chris wanted us to go riding around with him so we did and
then Aaren threw a fit so Ryan and Aaren broke up for the
night, then that morning Ryan workied things out with her.
I think the ONLY good thing that came out of this was that
I have a new friend...Chris. He really likes me and I
really like him, but there's just one problem. He has a
girlfriend. He knows I don't want anything to do with him
until he loses her...but I don't know what to do
there....anythings better than the shit Micheal was
putting me through.
I'm over him anyways.
Owell. Now that I'm home I'm ready to get everything
clean and ready for school.
I don't know exactly whats going to happen now...
I'm a little out of it.

Sometimes I think that if I died now, like right this
second, no one would miss me and no one would fucking
notice.
But then I think that if I died I wouldn't really had a
reason...and I don't believe that anything is worth
suicide.....ANYTHING. So I don't kill myself..I know I
have people and friends that care about me.
[its just a thought.]

moo.

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I
gone wrong?"
Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than
one night."
- Charlie Brown

Chris makes me love.
Evil Rubber Duckie makes me smile happy.
Dustom makes me laugh.
Aliceia makes me happy.
Micheal makes me sad.
Coffee makes me relax.
Poetry makes me creative.
Expression makes me enthuastic..
My freinds make me feel special.
My family makes me, me.
Chris makes me smile
spring makes me wild...
I love spring, Chris, Evil Rubber Duckie, my freinds, and
coffee.
that is all.

I can't wait till Panama. :)

[random thought]
John Cusack is cute....kinda...
[random thought over]

------------------------------------------------------
To see you when I wake up is a gift I didn't think could
be real.
To know that you feel the same as I do is a threefold
utopian dream.
You do something to me that I can't explain.
So, would I be out of line if I said ...
... I miss you.

I see your picture; I smell your skin on the empty pillow
next to mine.
You have only been gone 10 days but already I'm wasting
away.
I know I'll see you again what the fuck or soon.
But I need you to know that I care ...
... and I miss you.

Incubus - I Miss You
------------------------------------------------------

[random thought]
I wish I could be with Chris like right now...yeah...
[random thougth ended]

yeah.
I'm amazed at how fragile people are deep down. The
physical concept has always amazed me while also
disturbing but now I'm thinking of frailty in terms of
emotions and our defining features in general. As people,
we are so delicate. Society passes the buck to women in
this category but I've never met a man that wasn't just as
fragile as woman. Gender gap does not apply. I often think
the world doesn't understand how I feel when I'm stressed
or hurt or anxious or sad, etc. This isn't true as most
people have surfed the extreme wave range of human
emotions but it's the ability to truly
empathize/sympathize that seems lacking. I ponder the
theory of chain kindness and 'do unto others ... ', etc. I
believe in karma. I believe that what you do at this exact
moment has purpose and reason. Not for some greater God,
per se, but for yourself and those around you. The
slightest smile, hug or encouragement can mean wonders to
other people, without the source realizing it. I'm a
positive spirit; a child of the morning star; a sun baby.
I want my happy energy to pass through everyone I meet or
see. If I can spread a little joy and positive good
feelings to any person around me, be it family, friends or
strangers, then I feel good about myself. It's like
sprinkling a little pixie dust on everyone.

owell.
I got schools tomorrow.
Gotta get laundry done...
laters.




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