Paranoid

GrassAttack
2003-03-30 20:46:33 (UTC)

its time not to be so fast

i talked with bradd. even after all this weird shit we
can still talk. we talked aboot candi and love and all dat
shit. ive decided to work on something:

my neediness. or what appears to be neediness. i move too
fast for most people. and its because (literally) i move
too much. or at least, i think that is the cause. ahhhh

what was i saying? o yeah, all dat shizzle. i feel the
need to be important to some people, and for them to be
important to me. i know thats a normal feeling, but for me
it always comes across as urgent. im so screwed up.

i always give myself good adive but i never follow it. i
contradict myself. wow, i can only understand what im
saying in my mind, so its pointless to try and explain it
here. but i never FOLLOW IT. if i would just do what i
say.... oh wow. do i sound crazy or what?

its all these damn thoughts in mah brain. right now all im
really thinking about is summer. counting the days. if i
get to go to cali, and get to go early, then i only have
two months of school left. i want to leave two weeks early.
its be perfect that way. id be gone for a month and be back
in time for bradd. WITH a tan. and hopefully ill be skinny.
well, skinnier then this. which is NOT skinny at all.

i want him to think im hot. i know, evrybody would want
the guy they like to think theyre hot. but, i want to think
im just a little hot too. i need to get rid of all this
groos flab. and im not one of those skinny girls who always
says theyre fat and only weigh like, 8 pounds. i really AM
fat. i asked sun aboot it and she said that im cute. thats
what everybody says. CUTE. i want to be SEXY. she said
loose a couple pounds and youll be cuter. welp, im gonna
loose A LOT of pounds, and then ill be so cute ill be HOT.
right?




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