neverthesame

forever changing
2003-03-30 08:33:55 (UTC)

one regret

i have always lived my life with out regrets i alwys
say "live with out regrets btu learn from your mistakes"
but this night i truely regret what i did.i guess if you
think about it it's not that bad but i still really wish i
hadn't done what i did. ashley and i went to a local
concert tonight and well i was really depress and felt like
just making out with some guy any guy as long as he is
remotely attractive and well me ahley and jesse were biting each
other on the neck and then it turns out that the guy i ended up
making out with was pat. pat is an all around creepy guy i mean yea
he can be really sexy but he is really screwed up also and
well he likes to bite also which would not be a bad thing
if he sis not bite so friggin hard!! i have two hickies on
my neck the smaller one is toward the back and i can easily
hide it but i have a huge one right in the front of my
neck. it makes me feel so dirty
after he bit me the first time and i kissed him i started
trying to distance myself in a way and it did not work
david was sitting on this counter type thing so i went over
and sat next to him and pat cam and sat next to me and
started trying to pull up my shirt and bite my neck but i
kept pulling away then david just walekd off he looked sad
and all i could think is what the hell am i doing???. he is
too violent for me when he bites he bites hard unlike matt
matt just sorta nibbles which is what i like but then i
went to look in the mirror and oh fuck!!!!!! ashley yelled
at pat and jesse said he looked like he felt really bad.
i guess one of the bands got outta hand or some shit like
that so they closed the concert 40 min early and the cops
came because some people wantded their money back. ash
jesse and i ran out back to get in his truck and go but we
had to find ashley's lil brother and his friend so me and
ashley went back in out the front and found them put them
in jesse's truck and told them to meet us behind the movie
theater. while we were doing this pat came up to me and
asked me is i was really goin to get in trouble i said
probably and then he asked me if i hated him and i said no
then went off then when we had found the boys i heard him
behind me he asked me to go with him i didn't answer he
asked where we were going ashley told him to get the boys
in jesse's truck then i heard him calleing behind me "ok
well i will se you later, i give you a call" and with out
looking back i just said kay. later when we were behind the
movie theater jesse had to go so ashley her brother
(daniel) and his friend shane were standing there and this
guy we had vaugly met earlier matt and his friend ryan
pulled in and we talked to them for a while then when we
decided to go back to wait for ashley's dad pat showed up and he had
vodka he tried to give some to daniel and shane and i told him not to
when he asked why i told him if he did i would never speak to him
again so he didn't. he offered me some and i was just like no. matt
and ryan came over and we were all sitting out on the siewalk so pat
layed with his head on my lap and i told him he smelled like alcohol
and he asked if that was a bad thing and i told him "yes".
ashley thought that matt was cute so she asked him for his number and
she ended up giving him hers. at that point i was just thinking i
want to wake up now and have this all have been a dream. so i got up
and started walking up the street then i heard "sarah where are you
going?" it was matt i told him i was just walkin and then at the end
of the block which wasn't far i just sat down and he wasn't the only
one who had fallowed so did pat and ryan just shortly behind then he
sat with me, pat left and we were kinda talking he looked over at
ashley and he said "me being up here is probably making your friend
jelous isn't it" i just said "possibly" then a few seconds later
ashley came up and her and matt went somewhere but yea ryan turned
out to be really cool and he was really nice i think he lives in
philly though, but oh well.
i wish i had not gone, well i am glad that i met ryan but i regret
kissing pat and letting him bite me even if it was only twice and i
pulled away both times. i can still taste the alcohol on his breath
it makes me sick to my stomache. i have never done anything like this
before and i had never been in a mood like this before either. it is
funny because even though biting my neck is one of the biggest turn
ons for me i did not get really horney or anything like that i was
just like ok what ever la de da de da. . . oh well life goes on and i
hope i can think of excuss for the hicky to tell my mom.