Jai

Sex, drugs, rock and roll
2003-03-30 05:53:37 (UTC)

I'm pregnant

Haven't written in like a week cuz my computers a piece of
shit and has been down.
I took a pregnancy test-and the results were positive.
I've decided I would like to get an abortion, and I've made
an appointment with my doctor to discuss it. I don't know
exactly how much an abortion costs, but i know that i can't
afford it...so ive gotta put some time into making some fast
cash-and i dont know of any legal ways of going about doing
that. I still haven't done any drugs, or smoked, or drank or
anything...its been hard, but its for the best. I mean, what
happens if I don't have an abortion, I don't want to be
responsible for someone going through life with defects
because I couldn't give up a few stupid habits. I haven't
told any of my friends I'm pregnant-or Andrew. I think some
of my friends are kinda wondering though-it does seem kinda
sketchy that at parties and shit I won't drink all of a
sudden. One person knows-I wouldn't really say she's a
friend-shes kind of a friend of a friend/aquaintance type
who i always see at clubs and parties....since thats where i
always see her shes used to seeing me fairly drugged-and i
was with her at a club-and i wasnt drinking or anything-so
just kinda kidding/half serious she asked if i was
pregnant-i told her i wasnt, but she saw through it. she
said shed keep it secret-i hope she does.
Im freaking out a little bit about being pregnant, not
calm like when i first figured i was. When i first saw the
results of the test I cried-i probably would have cried
either way though. I had to go to work the day i found out
the results-and the whole time i was just totally in a daze.
I've decided not to tell Andrew-not that he shouldnt or
anything, but he already feels incredibly terrible about
what he did, and i dont want to make it any worse on him.

Anyways I've been a good girl lately-no nights in jail,
no arrests, no drugs, no alcohol and very little cutting. It
feels like since im pregnant i shouldn't be doing these
things. As for sex, is it wrong to sleep around when you're
pregnant? I guess some people would say yes....but in my
individual case I'd say no...I mean, im getting an abortion
anyways...so its not like im a slutty mom....and its not
like im far into the pregnancy. I try basically to not think
about it-i got pregnant, it was an accident-shit happens,
it'll be over with soon.

anyways lotsof other shits been going on too, but ill write
about it all next time





Ad: