Anrui Kurayami

Kurayami's Tears
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2003-03-29 21:25:42 (UTC)

One In A Million

Mood: Horny, crying, sentimental ^^;;

Current music: Forever love by XJapan and Crucify My Love
by XJapan and Simple Like the Truth by Darius

Fave Phrases: "A heart is just a half. There will always be
something missing when you are alone" Me

Fave words: excrutiating, shiny, childish, innocence
_______________________________________________________

Oh. My. Kamisama [trans.=god]!

I've been reading yaoi. Dragonball Z yaoi is so sweet!
Especially Vegeta and Goku! They are such a sweet couple! I
have been crying/laughing at them. I NEVER cry so hard at
smut! And NEVER EVER cried at lemons [anime sex scenes]
before.

I am gonna try and make a site [again]. I'll have Gundam
Wing, Dragonball and Final Fantasy yaoi on it, and maybe a
bit of yuri and straight. I've been looking at all the
support banners, and I'm going to join "The
Pacifists", "Open your mind, open your heart", the "No
flames please" campaign and I'll find some others. There
are some "none bastardizing" ones I will join. I
desperately want to support people online, its one of the
places there CAN'T be any protection from crulty.

I talked to Paul online today. He actually asked why I
didn't want to go round with the group anymore. Idiot.

He found out that I still love Tom. Oh fuck it, so what? I
lied to Suiren. i told her I didn't love him, and she said
Paul was a bit late with that one. I laughed and agreed.

I'm so glad I have this diary. People think online 'blogs'
are pointless, but I like to feel that maybe someone will
read it. They are more anonymous, too. I think without a
diary, sometimes I would just explode.

I have so much feeling inside me, too much. I feel about
ten times more than some people, because I feel other
people's pain and I've been through so much. I cry at happy
things, and I believe that is because I have so much
feeling. Love is beautiful, and I will never take it for
granted.

Suiren loved me, once. She never told me that she felt the
same, because she knew what we would go through. I feel we
are drifting apart, and I can't help but cry. She no longer
wants to be my friend the way I need her. I love Suiren so
much, it hurts when I can't be with her. She may not love
me back, but still...

It's not that i don't love Tom too. He eases all the pain
inside me, fills the gap Suiren has shown me. I love him
for that, for himself. I will always remember how painfully
apologetic he was when he thought he'd hurt me, the way he
carried me when my knee went and it hurt so bad. I love Tom.

Why am I like this? Torn by two loves, torn because they
both love another. I hate it sometimes, but when i'm
anywhere near either of them, i feel so different.

Oh why did I let anyone into my heart!?!?

I have an idea for a poem I don't wanna forget, so I'll
write a little rough idea sketch here.

"Never Close Your Eyes" [rough idea title]
Everytime you go out - never close your eyes - you might
miss things - might miss a new place - might miss a new
best friend - a soulmate - your true love.

I thought that when i was falling asleep on the bus. And I
just thought of another.

"Don't Take For Granted"
Don't take anything for granted - you'll lose it - won't
know how you needed it till it's gone - eternal regret

Soyokaze is in the bath, and I want to do some more
reading. Oh, thank god for this diary!

Much Love
~Anrui Kurayami~

Recent Web sites:

http://omoh.clayangel.net/ - support site for yaoi and Yuri
[open your mind, open your heart].

http://www.geocities.com/pacifists24/ - pacifists. Trying
to bring peace to the GW fandom

http://members.tripod.com/strata_chan/NFPC.html - no flames
please. support for web masters/mistresses

http://www.anzwers.net/hot/stack/fics/yaoi/yaoi.html - yaoi
section of a REALLY good DBZ site.


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