Shiningstar

pressing on
2003-03-29 09:11:18 (UTC)

nothing ventured nothing gained

sometimes inside i feel like i have always failed at
everything i have ever done...today kels and i ended the
five year friendship we had today and the more ironic thing
is- is that a year ago today daniel and i ended our five
year relationship. i am beginning to dread this day more
and more. but as i look back on this...I realize this is
something that needed to happen and with the grace of God I
am going to be okay. I am going to be just fine and I will
move on and be ok. God is so telling me to stop looking at
everyone else for answers to solve this pain I am in and
start looking for Him...it is like He is saying..."HEY LOOK
AT ME...REMEMBER ME UP HERE?! TALK TO ME!!!!!" And so
today I start again the walk I need to have to get to the
point where I just turn everything over to Him. I will
struggle on a daily basis but God has never forsaken me and
I don't think He will start now. One of the most amazing
things about Chris is that I can tell him all of this stuff
and he knows exactly what I am talking about. I so want
him to be here and to understand everything...and I just
want to spend hours talking to him about everything. I am
falling and hard and I just pray that my heart will be
guarded and I will make the right decisions. Thats it for
tonight...off to bed I go.
Cass




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