Alcyone

Never Cross the Dotted Line
2003-03-29 03:41:57 (UTC)

Truth be Told

It has been awhile diary...a long, long while it feels
like. It's hard for me to write because I haven't written
in so long. The words just don't flow like they used to...I
have no glib comments, no meaningful statements, no sad
stories...not even an emotion to explain to you.

Life has made some jumps lately. One relationship ended and
in that ending I found a new beginning. I feel like this
new beginning is right for me. Finally. I have felt so
motionless in the past few months, stuck in a limbo that
just wouldn't let go. It's nice to move again, to be free
again.

Truth be told, I don't miss Justyn that much. I feel as if
for the first time I'm seeing him for what he really is.
I'm seeing the real justyn. Not the justyn who "loved" me,
but the justyn that wallows in misery and bitterness. I can
feel his pain diary. I can understand the hurt that I
caused him. But I refused to stay in a relationship just to
spare him the pain. It wouldn't have been fair to me, and
it wouldn't have been fair to him. I don't think we'll ever
be friends again diary...I had hoped that he would be
different...that he'd be the one guy to stay...but I was
wrong. They are all the same. They all leave in the end.
Justyn betrayed me. He betrayed our "love" and he betrayed
our friendship.

I have never been in love diary. That is the conclusion
that I made.

Joe and I have started a new beginning. Dad is having a
tough time adjusting to the age factor, and the boyfriend
factor, and even the growing up factor that has nothing to
do with either of the two others...I guess that's life. I
really feel something with Joe, diary. He's sweet and
caring, he thinks about me all the time. He is considerate
of my feelings and is pretty honest about his own (without
being too girly about them). He always seems to make me
smile, even on bad days, days that seem without one ray of
light. Most of all diary, he is a good listener, something
that i've never had before (at least with guys). For the
first time I feel as if my feelings matter...And of course
he is tall, dark and handsome :)I could go on, but I guess
no matter how beautiful the words, you can never describe a
saving grace.




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