Peaches

Ode to a psycho!HA!
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2003-03-29 00:13:49 (UTC)

Sad

A friend of mine wrote this entry about how it makes her sad to see her fiends suffer, well not suffer I suppose, but to a degree it is suffering. She wrote about specific individuals who she considers close to her, I suppose and for me she wrote, "it makes me sad that
melody is sad and dosent understand it." And I thought about that statement and came to the realization of how true it really is. I am absolutely despondent and I have no ides why. I'm restless and sad, and lonely and depressed, and confused to a point beyond despararation, and I have no idea why. There's no reason for this unhappiness. Some scientists believe manic depression is hereditary. I believe that completely. Inmy family history there has been drug problems alcoholism cancer of every body part imaginable bi polar obeisity suicide heart disease glaucoma numerous teenage pregnancy lupas crippling arthritis, and I'm sure I'm leaving things out. Not to mention survivors of the holocaust. Depression has to have occured somewhere in there. I believe my mother has suffered from severe depression. I know I have, and I hate that I can't do anything about it. You know, you sit there with the knife, or razor, or candle, or needle, or pin, and you really think you are completely ready to just end everything, your so ready for everything to be over, and you cut and burn and bleed, and you get to that point, and then something just stops you from making hat last move. I know when it begins your ready, and when your almost done some unknown tthing stops it. I am sad and I DON'T know why. And it kills me that I can't not be that way.


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