university worries :(
[mood - confused and disappointed]
[music - f.a.t.a]
i've made a lot of wrong choices... i don't think that
anyone can disagree with that. so now i'm faced with one of
the biggest choices yet. and i am stuck.
durham/sheffield? has anyone attended either of these
universities? durham/sheffield? screw.
ummmmmmm - this was a difficult couple of days. sitting in
this girls room in durham we stared at the lights of
newcastle. it seemed that those lights embodied all the
joy, hope, expectation, anticipation, love, friendship and
excitement that exists in the world. and these are the
things i'm feeling strongly lacking in right now. i ached
so badly to be among those lights. i miss him and i hate
the way i can't connect with him.
ok. so if i went to durham, would i just spend my whole
life wishing i was in newcastle?
i had pretty much made up my mind not to go to durham. then
i hung out with jessica and helena. and as the train was
pulling out of the station on the way home, there was the
most incredible view of the cathedral dominating the
skyline and the castle sprawled out beside it. turrets and
towers and dungeons and spiral staircases. you got to
admit, the buildings got character.
WE DONT HAVE MUCH ROOM TO LIVE.
i listened to dashboard on the way home. i invented a very
happy fantasy in my head whereby it was billy playing and
singing and we were sitting by his fire. stupid dreams.
everyone has them. no need to be realistic is there.
~did you ever look, did you ever see that one person? and
the subtle way they do these things and it hurts so much~
i. cherish. you.
(just say you would do the same for me)