Woodsmoke

Montana bound
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2003-03-26 04:35:17 (UTC)

Caution and anticipation both at once

Well, today definitely hasn't been a bad day. Kara
and Josiah came over after school today, and for lack of
anything better to do once Jackie Chan Adventures was over
(Yes, I am that big of a geek to watch such a cheesy
cartoon at 17 years old. God knows it's better than any
other modern cartoon), we watched The Tuxedo. It was a
decent movie, but it wasn't from there that I derived my
enjoyment.
For a while now, Kara and I have been in a figurative
dance with each other. Rather, she's been leading me in
it. She knows that I have feelings for her, but she would
just kind of drop little things here and there. She flirts
with me almost shamefully, but she does that with all
guys. A few times we'd held hands and cuddled and the
such, but nothing serious. I knew that she thinks I'm
attractive at least, but she gave no indication as to any
interest in a relationship. All of that changed today.
It's not like we were inside each other's pants or
anything. We just kissed a bit, but just by her contact
with me, there was a definite willingness conveyed.
And so I'm where I am. I'm glad as can be that she
shares not only the interest but the desire which I have,
but I'm totally unsure of myself. I haven't had any kind
of serious relationship since 8th grade, and I'm now almost
finished with my junior year. Needless to say, I'm
terribly out of practice. Not that I was really in
practice to begin with. I am the classic image of the
hopeless romantic. I can write a ballad that will make a
girl swoon on the spot, or a letter or note to make her
melt like chocolate, but whenever I'm with a girl in person
I freeze up like a buck who hears a twig snap on opening
morning of the hunt.
From thence springs my uncertainty. I seem to be able
to maneuvre pretty well with her, but I don't know if I can
keep up with her moods and everything. God knows I care
about her, but I don't understand a single thing she does,
not even the little I usually do with other girls. It's
going to be difficult going, that's for sure. I am the
dictionary definition of a simple country boy. I may live
in a city, but my heart could not be more country if it
were planted in a field and grew on a stalk. Kara, on the
other hand, is a cheerleader. Need I say more?
There's really nothing wrong to complain about, I'm
just antsy. As I said, it's been so long since I've done
this, I feel like I'm steppin' up to the plate for the
first time all over again. I just hope I can get some
practice in before she starts in with the real pitches,
becuase I know I'll strike out.


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