Bottleupnexplode

Love and other Catastrophes
2003-03-26 01:33:21 (UTC)

at the edge of the world, with stars in my eyes

yesterday, theres a couple of things i erased from my head,
now today i remember its something i can't describe. i'll
take the handsome man as a perfect desguise, i'm out of my
mind. i am well aware that the game gets boring and old,but
thatsjust the choice i've made. its the only game i can
play and win. well win in the means of not having my heart
broken. i am selfish. i realize that. and thanks for the
advice, i will GROW up, i just haven't been hurt yet, and i
know its the dull edge that hurts the worst. how can i say
the things i meant, all of my good intentions never turn
out right. today i feel beautiful. if there's a cicus in my
head, i'll never get around to anything. i got to get away,
everyone is crowding me with everything they say. i always
thought i'd be someone, my plans are't working, now i'm the
fool. i'm just another soul, floating around the same
dreams. i'm bored and all alone, i'm caught upin a
parachute. just the thought of watching someone i love walk
away, leaves my heart racing. i don't understand everything
so far, my heart is swimming backwards. right. your right.
ijust don't listen to reason, when things can't get any
worse. someone always falls. this isn't me,i'm not dead.
its getting cold. what have i become. someone, show me some
sort of sign. show me how it should be. i'm on my knees. i
can't tell where i am, waisting by, waking up in
wonderland. try to make the moment right, when all the
while i'm losing sight.

i get my haircut thursday. did i mention i've been
given the opportuiy to be a model. April 1st is the big
day. thurday "henry" the TOP DESIGNER is going to cut my
hair the fit the show. somehow, i'm flattered that the want
me in the show to strut my stuff, but then again, it only
makes my ego grow, then then confidence and then the next
thing is i'm utterly conceited. i'm trying not to let it go
to my head. i believe its a good expierence.

maybe i could have a boyfriend if i stopped playing
games. its just a matter of time before i start to scream.




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