Anrui Kurayami

Kurayami's Tears
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2003-03-24 20:03:54 (UTC)

Always

Konnichiwa minna-san!

Heheh, hyper again. So sue me [does that count as sarcasm?
I dunno anymore!] Spring is bringing out the lighter side
of me I had forgotten after all the bullying. Now, I think
I am starting to heal a little.

Today I played basketball with Soyokaze in the back garden.
She pouts really cute cos I'm too tall. I'm still crap at
defence though, she won 4-3 and 2-0!!!!!

I've realized, I'm still in love with two people. Suiren
[my best friend, a GIRL like me. wow, eat your hearts out
homophobes!], and ARA, aka Tom [my ex boyfriend]. Still,
beggars cant be choosers, and thats why I went out with
Paul.

At the end of this entry, I'm gonna enclude two of my
poems, one I wrote when I first started going out with Tom,
and the other the night he dumped me.

Me and Suiren are really obsessed with Dragonball Z. It's
so yaoifiable!!! She found some really minging and explicit
fanart though, argh! PiccoloxVegetaxGoku... URH! But
VegetaxGoku forever!!!!!!!!

heheheh, Still as mad as ever, you can tell.

RAF tomorrow, I don't think we've got any tests to do. Just
loading and unloading the guns.

We've also got drill, probably with Flight Sergeant
Gaskull. You should see the RAF compared to the army
bastards - they are still forming a height order line when
we are learning complicated turns!!!!!!

Anyway, not much to say right now. This entry was
called "Always" because I believe I will always hold a
place in my heart for Suiren and Tom. Corny, but the truth.
Always is the title of a beautiful song by Kuraki Mai, a
Japanese singer.

Mata Ne, and sorry for the more serious entry today. School
does that to people.

~Anrui Kurayami~ xxxxxxxx

Fave Words:-

Heartbreak, tears, darkness, light, happiness, fun.

Poems:-

I. Happy

I think I started falling
When I first saw your face
Did you see playing those games?
Did you understand the signs?
The others said you were dodgy
But I tried to look past.
I talked to you, wanting to get to know you
Just made me fall that much faster.
I couldn’t care less that you smoke
Just an image
Doesn’t matter to me.
I think I’m falling
Can’t help falling
Won’t stop falling
I know that for you
This is just because I’m ‘fit’
That you’ll dump me with no second thoughts
But I’m in this
In the hope
That I can be happy
For a while.
Maybe you’ll read this
Maybe you won’t
And if you do
I want you to know
I’m drowning.
You can laugh all you want
Till you are sick if you want
I’ve been hurt too many times
To care.
I’d just like to be happy
For as long as you’ll let me.

[Notes: A touch sad, and you can tell I knew what was
coming.]

II. First Love

Today I sit and remember when we were together,
It seems just yesterday I was holding your hand,
Happy, knowing you cared,
And now you have left me,
I have cried all my tears and now I remember
How happy you made me,
I forget the tears that you made me cry.
Maybe in a few years I’ll have forgotten your face
But for now I treasure it in my heart
Maybe in a few years I won’t remember your name
But now it brings tears and fond memories.
A sweet first love,
Not really a love, but an innocent’s first experience,
Even though we were not in love,
I will treasure our memories
As my first love
And when a real love comes along,
I will give them my all,
And maybe you will be forgotten,
But for now, you hold a place in my heart.
Today I shall sit and remember when we were together,
Tomorrow I may forget you,
But it feels like just yesterday I was holding your hand.

[Notes: regretful, perhaps, but not heartwrenching angst. I
was re-exploring my feelings for Tom, and remembering the
good times we had together. Still holds true, I believe.
Some people have described this as a good outlook on the
end of a relationship. All I can say is; it's what i felt
and still feel.]


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