Shiningstar

pressing on
2003-03-23 09:51:53 (UTC)

this emotion

what i wouldn't do for Chris to live here...right now I am
feeling like he could be another Daniel and that is so
scary to me. We just got off the phone and it is 2:30 in
the morning and I can't sleep. I just wonder if I will
ever find someone as good as him. I am so starting to fall
for someone I have never met but feel like I can always go
to when I need someone. He is amazing in so many ways and
he has overcome so much and sometimes...like tonight I
would love for him to just hold me in his arms and just
tell me everything is going to be alright.
I am losing my best friend...or she has been lost for quite
sometime and I think we are both just changing so much. I
am so worried that things between aren't going to stay and
yet at the same time relieved. I love her and I always
will but I think that at this point in my life I just need
to take a break...(thanks Becks). And as I sit and talk to
Chris tonight I realized how much anger I have towards her
and how I should just tell her. I read her e-mail from
Bill...and in there was so much shit about me...about the
fact that I am just some dumb person...she can just get
over herself. I will tell her tomorrow. Right now our
trust issue is so far in the hole on both sides that I am
not thinking this is going to hurt our friendship anymore.
Anyways I have been listening to this song by Slow Coming
Day called This Emotion and I love it. Here are the lyrics
that I have gotten from the song.
Here I am
Confused
So unsure of where I stand
Consumed
By emptiness
Sick of being used
By this world
And when will it end
This game I play with you
When will I start to pretend
And go on
Follow you
Standing on
A black line
The misery
It breaks my heart
And deep down inside
I know
That I can't go on
Living this way
And when will it end
This game I play with you
When will I start to pretend
And go on
Follow you
And I have learned for
Content
Your whispering voice
And nor the sweetness
Your precious


I know I've screwed them up but hey they don't have them
posted so what could I do??? I had to listen but you get
the jist right?!?! I've even tried finding them on the net
but no such luck. Any advice on what to do about my best
friend of five years?!?! I wonder if anyone even reads
this???? *ponders* anyways it is 3 and i gotta be up by
nine so I can head to church (my weekly sanctuary from the
rest of the world). How I love it there!!! I am moving
tho so I must start anew...but God will be there. He
always is. And my faith will follow.
Peace out!
Cass




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