Quote of the day
"All these days that came and went, not did I know that
that was life"
I think those words describes my life, I`ve always though
that if I just did this, and that happend to me, in I was
lucy enught to get this and do that then I would be happy.
I never enjoyed life for what it was, never lived in the
moment, just planning and working so hard.
Ive had my 19th birthday, not a word from S*, no suprise,
and all I could think off all day was how life was two
years from then. I feelt so special and loved that day, and
no I didnt feel special at all. I blame it on Tommy, it was
his job this time. I did my best on his birthday to give
him the perfect day, why could not he do the same for me?
Our relationship is really bad for the moment, I dont know
what to do with it. I want to do a lot but I feel like he
dont care, blame it on me or something, maybe the best
thing to do is to take a break.
Im thinking about it, I want to save us from breaking up,
and maybe thats the way to do it. Speand some time appart ,
miss eachother would be good for us.
This entry is gonna be a mess, so follow me those who can.
One: I seem to be in love with an illusion of what S* used
to be, not what he is now.
Two: Chris is playing with me, and I want to play with him
without getting thougether in a relatiosnship.
Three:I love Tommy and hate him in the same time right now.
Here is what`s been hapend lately:
He was going in the army but two weeks before his
leavingday he finnaly got a letter from the hospitalk
saying that he was heving is surgery afther he had went.
He has been waiting for it in over six months, doing the
surgery is not dangerus, its just in his toe, but he have
to relax for two weeks afther. Then he would miss a lot of
things in the recruit school.
So he sendt a application to the military if he could get
his military favour exsposed.
If he had to go it would be on Monday, and Thursday he stil
hadnt get any letter. So at school I sendt him a message
asking if he could call them. He diddnt, he was going to
check his mail that day and call then the next. He called
me late, no mail, and beside he rememberd that they are not
at their office all days so maybe they wouldnt be there
tomorrow if he called.
We agreed that he was going to call them the next day, and
send me a message afther.
So yesterday I wasited for the message pretty much all day,
I didnt call him or send him one because I deceided to wait
for him for once.
I was going to him afther school and din, on my way in I
took the mail with me and could see that there was a letter
from the military..
He came home, without us talking thougether all day, he
was suprised to see me even thought he knew that I was
comming. I asked if it had been a hard day and he said no,
then I got hurt baceuse he haddnt sendt me one single
message ,I didnt tell him that ot thet I had taken in the
mail, but I didnt hide it since that would be rude. He
found his mail afther a while, opend the letter and asid it
said that he was usless for a while and shuld wait. I
thought didnt he allready know that??
I did my best not to mention the thing with me waithing for
a sms or anything the whole day, but when we was on a walk
around midnight I had to ask if he diddnt call them?
Oh yes he did, right afther work before he came home, but
none had answerd, he got the feeling he would get his
I asked why he didnt send me a message saying something,
anything. He didnt thought that was nessesary. But he
I tryed to tell him that I had been waithing for a message
from him all day and that he going to the military didnt
only effected him. My life was also changing if he left and
I would like to know. It didnt get in anyway..
I tryed talking agen in bed, but he didnt feel like it, now
Im at my work thinking what Im gonna to.
Have a nice weekend!