Austin

Ramblings Of a 18 y/o Fag
2003-03-22 09:27:09 (UTC)

TOO LONG

no, you filthy-minded folk. it has been too long since
i've writen. So little has happened that I was embarrassed
to write. I've basically been sitting around, working at
the pool, and...and um....hmmmm.... yep, I think that's
it. However, I won't leave you with nothing to read.

This is an entry I've been meaning to write ever since I
started this journal. To understand my deep loathing for
my career as a pool boy, you'll need a great deal of
background information.

I started working there almost a year ago exactly. My
boss, Walter came off as a really frienly guy when he hired
me. You know, one of those middle aged guys that might
possibly be your cool uncle. How wrong I was. When he
hired me, I was one of four lifeguards who worked there.
There are about three shifts a day in the pool, and each is
between one and three hours. In seven days, that's about
40 hours a week. Devided by four lifeguards, that equaled
an approximate paycheck of $120 every two weeks, after
taxes. Now we both know that isn't very good at all, but
it was our first job for most of us, and what do fifteen
year olds have to buy anyway?

So the problems started to arize when walter started hiring
more and more lifeguards. with every new lifeguard, our
checks got smaller and smaller. Now there are more than
twenty fifeguards, making about thirty dollars every two
weeks. And we're seventeen now! we have cigarettes and
malt liquor to buy. how can this make sence?

Another thing you have to learn to live with when working
for walter is his "rules". Now you really have to keep on
your toes for this, because the "rules" are subject to
chance at any given moment. Some days you can get paid
durring your break, other days you get written up. Some
days you have to write down the temperature and chemical
readings once, some days you have to write them three
times. And every time there is an ammendment to
the "rules" you are expected to know beforehand and
sometimes if you don't know there is going to be a change
in the rules coming up, you get written up. It's basically
a lose, lose, lose, lose situation.

This is where my job keeps my from slaughtering myself- the
patrons. I've decided to list them, so as to make it
slightly easier.

The Monkeys- these are any and all of the korean women over
ninety years old, as there body movements resemble those of
the great apes.

Mary-Jo and the girls- these are the members of the aqua-
arthritis class, lead by the stern-faced Mary-Jo. They're
very cliquie for senior citizens, but once you're inside
the circle, you're set for life.

Nose picker- is a middle aged man, probably in his early
to mid thirties. He places a chair outside of the pool,
and watches his wife do jumping-jacks in the water. Oh
yes, and he picks his nose the whole time.

Breast Implants- wife of nose picker. she's in he late
twenties, absolutely gorgeous. She's petite, blonde, and
her breasts both happen to have their own social security
numbers. Outrageously oversized, honestly.

Anorexia- this is another young girl, about twenty six,
who spends a lot of time in the pool. At about five foot
ten, she weighs in at about 100lbs. i can't tell exactly
how thin she is, because she constantly wears an oversized
t-shirt.

The Frenchman- it's almost self explanatory. He's big,
greazy, French, and wears a bright blue speedo, which he
stuffs. When you work where I work long enough, you see
everyone naked. It's sort of a curse in desguise. In
fact, the speedo-stuffers probable deserve their own
catagory, but i've lost interest.

and last, but not least...

EVE- this is the only person my age who goes to this gym.
This may be because she was shunned from every other gym in
america, but of course this is only specualtion. I feel
bad, I really do, but this one has it coming. I think that
doing laps is the closest she gets to a shower, plus she
roghly the size of a school bus. She wears huge floral
bathing suits as she floats across the water. And as if
she didn't look like a whale, she swims like one. She
kicks off the wall, and floats face-down almost all the way
across the pool, with her hands at her sides. The she bends
her body in the middle, and flops about like shamu until
she reaches the other side of the pool. The best part is,
is that she's completely in love with me. I guess that
part is actually kid of tragic. But i'm going to choose to
ignore how horrible the whole thing is, and keep laughing
at everyone elses expence.

I do amuse myself...




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