thea

the semi-secret life of thea
2003-03-20 21:00:14 (UTC)

is this a good thing?

Lately, well, for the last 3 days at least(since its
only been that long since the last cutting incident...) i
haven't been thinking about s.i. at all. Well, with the
exception of the weird, not wanting to let go of the tack
thing. I've been thinking more about food. It's strange, i
don't think that i am anorexic, but i just hate the idea of
eating, especially the idea of eating as much as i do. It's
weird. Like today for instance, i ate a crazy amout of food.
breakfast:none
second period(gourmet foods class): ziti, garlic bread,
tiny lil piece of pie
lunch:apple juice
snack: 2 graham crackers.
Gah, i just find that to be sooo much, and i know i
shouldn't. It's just seems like a crazy amount. Eck. I
don't want to think about it this much. I'd rather be
thinking about cutting. I think. ooh hell, i don't know. I
haven't cut as much since i started this whole food ordeal,
is that a good thing? i mean, give up cutting, give up
food. Or indulge in food, indulge in cutting. What's
better? eck! I just don't know if it's a good thing or not..
And i'm just sick of all of it, food, war, cutting,
depression, pretending, gah just all of it.
What's even weirder is that i'm writing all this, while
in a perfectly good mood. I'm not sad or crappy or
anything, i just feel like talking. Weird that this is what
i talk about when i just feel like chatting. *shrug* Well,
g'day to you and yours, ~a in a good mood thea




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