...a sinner I am
There is an emotion overcoming me. This is something that
I never thought that I would live long enough to feel. I
feel as though I have offered, innocently an
uncontrollably, my self-worth, dignity, and principles in
an attempt to win over someone's affection and admiration.
When did I become this? Since when is it acceptable for
anyone to knowingly lay down their price tag and simply
wilt for free? I certainly have fought too long and too
hard for the substance that I have shaped myself into just
to passively place it out of sight for the sake of someone
who happens to think that I am not enough.
You know, there are sad feelings in this world, but I have
come to learn and experience that the saddest feeling, is
the one in which you simply cannot become more than what
you are and have someone think, "Is that all that you are?"
Not being enough is withou a doubt the inconscious worry
that plaques my mind every day of my life. I try and yearn
to learn more, understand more, feel more, discover more,
and yes, be more. Throughout the journey in my life, I will
accomplish these things, but it is at this critical stage
in my life that I crave it the most.
Perhaps I am all that I can be at this age and to place
pressure on my already worn soul to deliver more than what
it is capable of is, in more than a thousand mentionable
ways, a self-inflicting sin.
Want to know another sin? Willingly surrendering
yourself...with your eyes open and your unprotected
emotions in your hand.