Ian69

Holley
2003-03-19 22:00:11 (UTC)

March 19th, 2003

Last night for the first time in along time i got drunk.
REally drunk and i feel bad about it now i mouthed holley
alot luckly holley's friends mom would tell her what i was
saying. I would feel really bad about it now. She was also
equally if not more drunk than i was. We both said some
pretty nasty things to each other. The girls mom wouldn't
let me read most of what she was saying. But i see why
people drink to get rid of the problems it helped alot but
then after i sobered up i was even more depressed than
before. I have decided to just leave her alone and not talk
to her. she just needs time to adjust. I think she still
loves me but don't want to right now and is having a hard
time dealing with it. I think she may think i am trying to
make her feel bad but i am not. I thought if i was nice and
kept us up talking it would be fine and we could still be
friends but i gotta give her room to get adjusted to being
with out me and with someone else. She scares me when she
is like that sometimes talking about taking a whole bottle
of sleeping pills and drinking a lot. If she needs me i
will still be there for her but i am not gonna talk to her
at all. I gotta be strong with this it will be fore the
best. I think brandon will be good for her to get over me
which i swhat she needs right now. She needs to grow up and
live life before we ever have a chance of getting together
and being happy at all. And i have to deal with some issues
of being obesive over girls i tried not to be right before
we broke up but it is hard and i needed time which came to
an end. And i have to deal with trust, i trusted her but
alwyas was alittle be supsises of stuff for no reason. And
i need to stop being so controling i tried to tell her
everything she could and couldn't do not reall meaning to i
jsut cared for her. If i can deal with that and she can
grow up i believe we will have a chance to be togethre and
happy in the future. We can be friends when she is ready
till then we will be nothing.




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