The Shattered Raven

The Black Eye of Lenore
2003-03-19 15:06:28 (UTC)

i can t keep the sanity from..

i can't keep the sanity from leaving.
all these rabid thoughts of
destruction from else are just
spewing about and there's no stopping.
i've been so damn paranoid lately,
and so self conscious lately
that everything that happens,
i go nuts and out of control.
every little possible and ridiculous thought
that comes into head gets validated.
and i can't stop it.
i go overboard with shit
and i can't let go.
i have problems and there are things
that need to be worked out
but when the fuck will that happen.
there's a the catch-22.
you have someone in a relationship
that you can talk to and spill your guts
and vent and all this shit, but when
it comes to things like that, you can't
say anything because they are biased by emotion.
i can't think
i can't relax
i'm tired of rejection
and i can't take this feeling anymore.
i know this shall pass
and that i'm sure things are better than i think
they are. maybe it's nothing.
maybe it's something.
i don't know, but i just can't fucking take it.
i'm so scared she will not be there.
i'm so terrified she will not want to be there.
and i die each time i feel that way.
all i can do is feel this chaotic
resemblence of war
that feeds within my soul,
that everything i don't know
is a lie, and everything i'm told
is something false
and that no one can be trusted.
am i nieve or fucking paranoid.
i need this to end.
and there's only one way it will.
i wish i wasn't at work right now.
i really fucking wish i was somewhere else,
that way i could at least kill the stress
and frustration.




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