SoTired

Me
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2003-03-19 09:09:15 (UTC)

My Quartley Whine

It seems like I only update this thing every few months. I
guess that's just when I get really stressed out.


Some things are better since last time. I found another
place to live. I move on Friday. The down side to that is I
am working two jobs, working on my teaching credential and
doing field work. Can anybody tell me what sleep and sanity
are?


I decided I was ready to try the dating thing again. I put
up single and looking on a profile just to see who would
talk to me. This guy messaged me and the rest as they say
is history. We couldn't stop iming and (breaking a rule I
never break) I met him the next day. Lunch turned into half
a day , then the evening and it would have been all night
if I didn't have to be at work. We have been hogging each
others time since =) It was really hard to start things
with him. There was a lot of damage the ex did that I
didn't realize. I had a hard time letting him get close to
me. My ex was very coercive about a ton of things and I was
so afraid of getting stuck in that situation again.
Sometimes we still deal with these sort of issues but he is
so good. The biggest thing with him is telling him what's
going on becuase he feels so bad if he thinks he hurts me.
He takes such good care of me it's amazing. He also lets me
take care of him. It's like this great partnership. His
fmaily loves me and has pretty much adopted me.

One of my jobs is pretty cool. I teach computers to
preschoolers. It's just been rough becuase they did not
have a schedule for me. I would get an e-mail the night
before and have to be there the next day. It's hard to
schedule important things such as studying. Also, becuase I
drive around a lot on top of the hours I have a lot less
hours to do homeowrk , but I need the money. Money has been
sooooo tight living on my own. I also feel bad about the
ammount of help I have had to have from my mom. She
shouldn't have to do so much for me.

My other job has been rough. He has lots of extra
curricular activities so they are not as flexible iwth me.
It's hard to fit them in. Thankfully they are really nice
and supportive to me. The kid though has been so mean and
hard to handle lately. He's like I wish my mom were still
alive so I didn't have a tutor. Why do you have to be here?
etc. I have not had the energy to handle it.

Dad is not doing so well. he got layed off and it seems his
wife is driving him crazy. I still can't stand the woman. I
am on pins and needles around her. It keeps me from seeing
dad as much as I would like. When I am there and she is
nice to me I get mad. It's like she is forgetting all she
has done and it's supposed to be ok now. I also wonder how
long it will be until she snaps. I don't need the stress so
I don't bother to go over there.

Spiritual things have been rough. It's hard to only have
church on Sunday mornings. I miss Thursday Bible studies. I
don't have the time or discipline to do it on my own.
Sometimes I feel like I am getting away from that and
that's not what I want. Also, to clarify the last entry.
Please don't get discouraged about God or the church. God's
people aren't perfect but God is. Sometimes I forget that
and need to be reminded.


Anyhow I am in one piece. Beyond that is asking too much.
How all this stuff is going to get moved I have no idea,
and I have no idea how my assignments will get done. I feel
like I am going into a melt down. I found myself talking to
masking tape the other day. My boyfriend told me not to
worry unless it talked back. Then he looked at how tired I
was and said ok you should worry if you start arguing with
it and it wins. Ha!


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