Randi Lynn

Ungrateful
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2003-03-18 11:50:24 (UTC)

That asshole, my brother, is..

That asshole, my brother, is going to get pissed at me
because i didnt yell to him that its been 5 minutes, but I
did. He got pissed because hes wanted me to wake him at 6 AM
now instead of 6:40, and I didnt know that he wanted me to.
*grumble* Im off to school. Wish me luck. Oh...Ms. Johnson
is letting me borrow that book today; shes bringing it. The
librarys version...it was suposed to be returned back in
december, so someone still has it. - 6:55 AM

This day has been turning out quite badly, yet I remain in good
spirits, although somewhere inside me I have a feeling of
unhappyness. Or osmethign of the Sort. First block was fun; I love
Ms. Dubios. Second Block I have two classes since its a Maroon day,
and A Chem-Lab. Halfway through the block, we leave chem and go to a
study hall on maroon days. Now thats fine..'sept I said something
which I didn't mean. There goes me not thinking before I talk, once
again. And we had to work in groups. I HATE working in groups. I
Joined Christine, that girls, and then Derek's group, because I was
the one left out (There were groups of 3; Everyone had a group of
three accept me, so the group I Joined became the only group of 4),
Yet that girl and Derek kinda just took over, and Christine wrote, I
had no idea what to do. So I listened. Asked a few things, and made a
few suggestions, but every word that came out of my mouth was
completely ignored. Then I went to the cafe for study hall. Ms.
Johnson is one of the teachers that are in that studyhall. She said
her daughter had lent the book to one of her friends; and is cheaking
to see if her friend had finished reading it...so she should have the
book for me by the time they get it back. My only excapes from
reality is sleeping, watching movies, reading, playing games,
thinking deeply of my imaginary world, and talking to certain people.
I sleep only at night. I have no movies to watch. I cant read the
book I want to. Games only provide temporary excape. Reality has got
too much of a grip on me to allow me to sink into my imaginary
world. "certain people" only provide temporary excape. Books dont;
because I can go on thinking about them which will provide more than
jut temporary, but less than permanent. The table i sat at in study
hall is a long regtangle table. There were 4 people at it, sititng at
the middle of the table. I sat at the end of the table. I Heard them
murmur about the empty round table "over there", which just irratated
me, and they commented how people are "circleing" them when a boy sat
at the other end. Then I went to U.S. History. Tim Cline came back
today; he was in florida. The teacher mentioned to me about how Not
getting my homework in is messing my grade...Im in the process of
making up all homework assignments. Then she told us we're having a
project; better get in groups of 2's, 3's, or 4's. She said "get up
and sit with who youll be working with" I thought for a bit, then I
went over to Tanya and Sam (sam is a girl) and asked if i could join
their group. Sam didnt say anything, or make any sign that she cared;
but Tanya...who was my friend since sixth grade..whos done projects
with me so she knows I have no problem getting my work done on
time..says "We want to work alone" first i misunderstood, and made a
confused face, thinking, If we can work alone, then I want to! I
said "The teacher said that we cant work in less than groups of 2"
she said "I meant that me and Sam want to work alone together."
Me..I...must have gotten a very hurt expression on my face; Its not
what she said...its the way she said it. she as much as said "I dont
like you, I dont want you in my group" ...I think i said "oh.."
quietly, turned, hooking my thumbs on my pockets, and walked slowly,
feeling completly hurt; and i could feel my face start to burn; like
I was about to cry...walked back to my desk...for a moment i stood
there, thinking about asking those two girls i dont really
know..because i figured if i didnt, i wont have a partner, and will
suffer the embarrassment of the teacher wither telling me i need to
find one; or suggesting that a join so and so's group. swallowing any
pain i felt, or trying to, I turned and looked at Tanya, trying to
have a face that showed That It didnt bother me at all that she didnt
want me in her group...when I looked, I noticed she was staring at
me. Her expression wasent of an apologetic one, or a regretful one..I
dont know what it was..after taking one last look at Emily and
Melissa, thinking about joining their group, i decided not to, and
took my seat. The teacher didnt do either of what I thought she
might, instead, when she called to ask who ill be working, and i
answered, very quietly "i dont know" (very very quietly) she assigned
me to Mike G., who was out. I have no problem with that; my only
concern is tht he might, but he seems like a nice guy, who wouldnt
have a problem with being partnered with me. Ive always wanted to get
to know him a little anyways. But I maintain that i hate working in
groups, and any oppurtunity that I have to work on my own, I will. -
1:39 PM


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